Here is a job that exists only in Miami: tanning butler. And the Ritz-Carlton South Beach has lost theirs. Boo hoo.
But that's good news for the masses of sexy, needy unemployeds currently lollygagging in our beaches. The hotel is looking for a new one.
Only men are asked to apply though. And the hotel wants a specific kind of man. "There's no specific experience we're looking for," Jennifer Steinmark, public relations manager. "We want a male who has a great presence, an outgoing personality, and somebody who embodies the spirit and mystique of South Beach." I take it that leaves out most of our staff, and readership.
The tanning butler does not stroll around in a penguin suit offering SPF to the hotel's poolside, margarita-sipping tenants. He does it in swimming trunks, an official tanning butler T-shirt and a holster full of sun-care products.
It's a position that has existed since 2003, and is actually trademarked to the Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company. That's right, you won't be seeing a tanning butler at the Super 8 on Northeast Biscayne anytime soon.
Already, Steinmark says the hotel has received 40 resumes, and headshots. No kidding. While the Haitian maids at the Ritz probably make minimum wage, and get discriminated against, these ballers make $20 an hour, plus tips. Also, butlers only work at "peak tanning hours:" typically 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Fridays, and weekends.
It begs an explanation though: If they're looking for a new butler, what could have possibly happened to the last one? Was he starting to show some chub? Maybe he was vanished when he turned 30? No, Steinmark says, the last guy left to be an Armani model, natch.
The butler is, of course, not the only classically-trained professional employed by the Ritz. This classy joint also offers charm lessons taught by the Miami Heat cheerleaders.
To be paid for offering tanning expertise could be the ideal gig for America's favorite tanners, the cast of Jersey Shore, now looking for a hotel to film their Miami-based new season. But asked if the guidettes could be hired there, Steinmark scoffed. Even the Ritz has standards.
"Unfortunately no. We have strict policies regarding our involvement in reality TV programs." Steinmark wouldn't put us in touch with any past butlers, but if you're the improbable Riptide reader and former tanning butler, or just have seen them sashaying around the Ritz' pool deck, comment away.
