Mugshots Friday: The Half-Bearded Man, The Mike Tyson Face Tattoo, and A Real-Life Captain Morgan

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that...

By Gus Garcia-Roberts

June 1, 2012

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Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 5/26

Charged with: Disorderly intoxication

"Try eating this face, motherfucker."

Arrested: 5/28

Charged with:Disorderly conduct, breach of the peace

I want to punch you in the face, half-bearded man.

Scratch that-- this profile photo makes me want to blow you up with a bazooka. Look at that expression of smug achievement. You slapped a lady's ass too hard and then fought her-- and lost, we might add. You didn't exactly win a Nobel Prize. Not even one of the preemptive Nobel Prizes like Obama got.

Arrested: 5/23

Charged with: Battery, domestic violence

And here we have the most evil kid in the sixth grade gifted program.

Arrested: 5/29

Charged with: Burglary of an unoccupied dwelling, grand theft third degree

I didn't think people actually mimicked Mike Tyson's face tattoo unless they were in a derivative buddy comedy and they lost their tooth in the first one so you gotta think of something different for the sequel, right?

Arrested: 5/30

Charged with: Drinking in public

It should be legal to chug Captain Morgan in a parking lot if YOU ARE Captain Morgan.

Arrested: 5/26

Charged with: Trespassing after warning, disorderly intoxication

This guy's got the right 'tude. So you spend the night in the slammer, you pay a few hundred bucks but on the bright side-- nothing tastes more amazing than just-got-out-of-jail pancakes.

Arrested: 5/23

Charged with: Trespassing after warning, disorderly intoxication

I want this guy as a sounding board for my ideas. I'd tell him I'm going to put my savings in the Facebook IPO, and he'd silently look at me with this face, and I'd be like: "You're right, that's dumb. What would I ever do without you, Ernesto?"

Arrested: 5/30

Charged with: Disorderly intoxication, resisting officer without violence to his person

Hi, Happy Naked Lady!

Arrested: 5/25

Charged with: Burglary of an unoccupied conveyance

Dude, I don't really know how else to tell you this... You look like a doodle that sixth grade evil kid might draw.

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