Hello, Kitty
In my 20s I was really picky about the guys I dated, they couldn’t be below a certain height, had to love R&B, etcetera etcetera. But now that I’m nearing that 40-year mark, I’m much easier to please. And now after a long search and a lot of breakups, I’ve found a man that I think is good for me. Among other things, he has a great job, he’s extremely supportive of my career, takes care of me when I’m sick, and has a great sense of humor. While those things are very important, he has some other qualities that don’t make me so happy. Without listing them all, I can say that he’s not very polished, sends illegible text messages, and often embarrasses me when we go out to eat anywhere that doesn’t have a drive-thru. I find myself correcting his grammar all the time, shaking my head at his lack of knowledge, and sometimes wishing that I was with someone more cultured. After 2 ½ years together I know that our relationship is on the road to marriage so I’m wondering if this is all there is for me. Should I “settle” with this guy?
Drienup Fast
Hi Drienup
Should you settle with this guy? Hon, that’s a question that I can’t really answer for you and one that I damn sure haven’t been able to figure out for myself; but since neither of those issues has stopped me before, here goes. Wait, what’s that noise? It’s whiny and boring… Wait; is that your matrimonial clock ticking? Between your talk of nearing 40 and wondering “if this is all there is for me,” you sound like a woman who’s ready to retire her thong and that shit is depressing. I understand the allure of having a husband, but jeez. Have you really waited all this time, searched high and low, and weeded through all the losers just to settle for someone that you don’t perceive to be on your level? Say it aint so, Drienup! And while you already know that you want three tiers (not four) on your wedding cake, has this guy even asked you to marry him? The truth is that he may not want to be with your haughty, hypercritical ass forever anyway. And if you’re not careful, your condescending attitude may cause him to look at you as no more than a temporary place for him to rest his nuts while he waits for a woman who thinks it's cute when he sends her a text that says "kan eye cum ovur?"
Honestly girl, on paper your dude sounds like a pretty good guy. He has a job, rubs Vaporub on your chest, respects your mind and makes you giggle? Shiiit that sounds like a walk in the park compared to some horror stories I’ve heard (and lived). Yeah he may pronounce the “h” in herb and refuse to eat sashimi, but just as you judge those traits as idiotic, the next woman might find his naiveté appealing. Would you prefer a know-it-all P.H.D. who’s traveled the world and would correct your grammar? {And by the way, it’s “wishing that I were with someone more cultured.”} The point is, everyone has their defects and you’ll only be able to find happiness once you find someone who has flaws that you can live with. Your current man may never be able to pronounce certain words, but who really cares? If you love him, instead of putting him down, help him out or – gasp – accept him for who he is and love him unconditionally. If he’s happy eating his soup with the dessertspoon, let him be. Everyone says not to get into a relationship thinking that you can change someone, but if you’re confident that you’ll expose him to new experiences that may cause him to change on his own, I think that’s fair. Whatever you do, don’t ditch this guy over etiquette and grammar because those things can be learned. Compassion, love and respect? Not so much.
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