Castro: Ruling Cuba With an Electric Worm

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Isn't everyone getting sick of reading about every fucking phone call and gift-giving session that takes place between Castro and Chavez? Last time I checked, picking up a phone is not a sign of stable health.

If Fidel really wants to strike fear into the hearts of the American Military Industrial complex, he should put on that Adidas jumpsuit and do a helicopter spin. Or maybe he should get Evo and Hugo over to his place, give them matching jumpsuits, and then break into a leftist rendition of the Electric Slide. How confidence-inspiring would that be?

The American market would come crashing to its knees. China would stop its silly slide towards democracy and start a whole new Cultural Revolution... most likely a Dance, Dance revolution.

Consider this a tip, Castro: drag a few pieces of cardboard into the Presidential basement, break out your old VHS tapes, and get crackin. Let's try and get some real news in the paper, okay? --Calvin Godfrey