Listen up, all y'all porn-y playas.
Go party with sex professional, adult entrepreneur, and genuinely sweet chick Cherokee D'Ass tonight. She'll be droppin' her famously fat, 47-inch booty at Little Haiti's Take One Cocktail Lounge while DJ Black Holiday cranks out the XXX soundtrack.
Now don't feel weird about introducing yourself. Or even asking Cherokee to sign your obscenely used DVD copy of Ass Like Whoa. She's really nice and she'll be flattered.
Just forget about tossing out some lame line like, "Wouldn't it be nice if all night I was in you?" That garbage don't work, son.
Honestly, if you really wanna impress this D'Ass-tastic diva, maybe slip a $50 bill into her shiny black g-string, or even nestle your face between those fabulous cheeks, you gotta try some romance.
WTF does Crossfade know about gettin' sexy with a porn star? Well, playa, we hung out with Cherokee for 15 booty-riffic minutes at last year's Exxxotica Miami Beach sexpo. And we just asked her straight-up, "What is good love-making music, Ms. D'Ass?"
"I love slow R&B songs," Cherokee purred. "Like back in the day, I wanted the Isley Brothers. Gimme some Teddy Pendergrass. I need a little Guy."
"You know, I dig the really old R&B. You could listen to the words and get a tingle in your booty," she told us. "That old-school shit ... Some stuff was left to your imagination, which was a good thing. You know what I'm sayin'?
"With the Ne-Yo and Trey Songz, it's cool. But they get straight to the point. Just suckin' and fuckin'. There ain't no imagination."
The lesson: All y'all playas gotta work on smoothin' out your ass-charming skills. Shit, it's not about doing DP and going ATM all day. So stop being so porn-y. Why not try to "Turn Off the Lights," light a candle, and ask Ms. D'Ass, "What you wanna do, babe?"
Just like Cherokee's fave, the late Teddy Pendergrass, would say: That's called setting "a romantic mood," son.
Cherokee D'Ass with DJ Black Holiday. Thursday, January 26. Take One Cocktail Lounge, 333 NE 79th St., Miami. The party starts at 8 p.m. Cover cost $20 and up. Call 305-751-9313.
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