Meet the Beefcakes of Ultra Music Festival

Muscles were so big at this year's Ultra Music Festival. Like, they were just as huge a trend as they looked on the shoulders, chests, buttocks, thighs ... You get the idea: Beefcakes ruled the EDM blowout. We couldn't creep near the Carl Cox text without getting an exposed male...

By Liz Tracy

March 31, 2014

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Muscles were so big at this year's Ultra Music Festival.

Like, they were just as huge a trend as they looked on the shoulders, chests, buttocks, thighs ... You get the idea: Beefcakes ruled the EDM blowout.

We couldn't creep near the Carl Cox text without getting an exposed male nipple in the eye.

Here are 20 of the finest beefcake specimens spotted at Ultra 2014.

This muscle man jazzed up his jacked bod with glitter. Very "when in Rome."

We asked Superbeef here to show us his superpowers. Women, tongue, the finger, crossed-eyes, and mad muscle is what we got.

Would you let this lanky beefcake take a dive in your pond?

Chance the Rapper even got the muscle memo. But he got the one from 1992. What's with the overalls!?

This guy's as serious about his pecs as he is about that tribal tat on his boob.

On the Batman scale, he's hotter than Val Kilmer, not as hot as Bale. (Sorry, bro. No one beats the Bale!)

Our pupils are as huge as dinner plates looking at this dance-club Adonis.

Bow to the King of Ultra! Bow down! And then do some reps while you're down there, you skinny fucks.

Bro. No, bro. But bro. Yeah, bro? Bro. GTL!!!

Nary a hair in sight. These guys listened to Mr. Miyagi when he said, "Wax off."

This tropical trio is looking surprisingly unblemished by the effects of extreme heat.

From hardest to softest. Tallest to shortest. These four are the party.

Look at this angel with big greasy pecs. Best pose of the night.

Here's another of the sweetest faces of Ultra, framed by beautifully crafted man boobs. Thank you, bench presses.

Stick your tongue in the air and wave it like you just don't care. OK, put it away.

His titty tattoo brings all the raver girls and boys to the yard. Look at them. They're all there to see him! J/K.

Their combined 12-pack trump the Miami skyline.

Wheeeeeee!!!

And we'll wrap up with a little chest hair for good measure. Sure, the typical beefcake's got a smooth chest. But honestly, we dig a little fuzz.

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Liz Tracy is a culture and health journalist whose writing has appeared in the New York Times, the Atlantic, Glamour, and Vox. Previously, she served as New Times Broward-Palm Beach's music editor for three years. Wherever she goes, she brings a little bit of Miami with her.

Contact: Liz Tracy

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