In a just world, $50 men's haircuts would be considered a lesser crime against humanity. Who really needs to sip champagne while sitting in a vintage Italian leather salon chair while listening to indie Muzak? Celebrity co-owners or clients are not a must. Gossip is optional. The only necessity, actually, is someone armed with a buzzer and scissors who knows what they're doing, and that's exactly what the Cutting Room guarantees. As the name suggests, it's a simple room where they cut hair, and the work they do in this room is done very well. It's a humble little shop located in a nondescript office building in North Bay Village with experienced employees who have been there for years. Yes, they offer other full-service salon services like pedicures, waxing, and keratin treatments, but the place has a quaint, down-to-earth vibe. There are no pretensions here, and you're not paying extra for them. A men's short buzzcut costs just $23, and a loyalty rewards system means the sixth cut is on the house after every five visits. They can pull off the latest trends with no problem if you like, but they're not trend-chasing. They use all-American products and regularly give back to the community. Trust us: If they don't offer it, your hair doesn't need it.

Readers' choice: RazzleDazzle Barbershop

[Scene: An empty room with an old TV set.] Voiceover begins: "Are you feeling blue? Does your dull, lifeless hair have you feeling under the weather? Is your style missing a certain pizzazz? You need a haircut."

[Pan to a not-so-stylish person dressed in sweatpants about to enter Junior & Hatter]. "You've taken the plunge. You've decided it has been too long since your last haircut and you're ready for a change. Good for you!"

[Myrnelle Singh greets the newcomer.] "Oh, isn't she lovely? The first thing you'll notice when meeting Myrnelle is her smile, so infectious it's sure to make you feel as if tiny rays of sunshine are sprinkling over you. And the first thing you'll probably hear is the proper pronunciation of her name because you're likely saying it wrong. (It's pronounced mer-NEL.) You're in good, capable hands, Sweatpants."

[Sweatpants sits in the coveted black spinning chair in front of the mirror, ready to get some style]. "If there's one thing that comforts you at this point, Sweatpants, is the fact that Myrnelle has, beyond a reasonable doubt, fabulous hair. You want your hair to look like hers. Inspiration begins to shoot through you, and you want to be wild, you want to be adventuresome, you think you can pull off blue hair or a faux-hawk. Calm down, because you can't. One step at a time."

[Myrnelle snips and snips and twirls Sweatpants around until the customer becomes a different person]. "Voila! You've emerged a new, nearly unrecognizable person. You have style now. Your hair has pizzazz. You're ready to shed those sweatpants for a tasteful pantsuit. Go take a bite out of life, wild one — the world is ready to embrace the new you."

Getting your hair done in Miami can go one of two ways: Either you wind up looking like a younger version of Gloria Estefan no matter what you requested, or you find that perfect person who knows exactly what you want and always delivers. The team at Concept 5 Studio in Edgewater is definitely in the latter camp. Solange Sarria and Andino Andres are creative hair gods with their fingers on the pulse of what's trending in techniques, colors, and cuts. With an impressive portfolio of editorial and production work, they always deliver a look that's exactly like that photo you showed them, only better because it's customized to what works for you. And they do it at a price that doesn't require an Estefan-esque address on Star Island: Women's cuts start at $78, and men's start at $68. The studio's discreet location on the fifth floor of a condo is the perfect spot to sit back, enjoy the views, and await a new do.

Readers' choice: Contesta Rock Hair

Outsiders assume Miamians sport a sun-kissed glow because our city is bathed in sweet solar beams 320 days a year. But 305ers know the truth: Living in eternal summer is great, but who has the time to lie on the beach for hours every day? We do have jobs, you know. The airbrush-tan experts at Forever Tan deserve plenty of credit for keeping up our beach-look street cred. Miami's beauty-obsessed freaks get hyped up about the Brickell tanning salon because you won't find any skin-endangering UV tanning booths here, only sunless, all-natural, organic products. The process begins with a pH-balanced toner ($5) that's sprayed all over the body to prevent that orange Jersey Shore look and make your color last longer. After the toner has settled in, alcohol-and-preservative-free color comes next. There are several shades of tan to choose from, starting with clear — a colorless formula that darkens steadily over time and won't stain your clothes — to dark tropical, which provides an instant bronzed, Magic City feel. Full-body ($45), half-body ($25), and facial airbrush tanning ($10) sessions are available, as well as next-day touchups ($10). Regardless of your preference, you'll walk out the door looking like you just spent a week sippin' 'ritas on South Beach — minus the tan lines and while keeping your full-time job.

Readers' choice: Boca Tanning Club

For residents of a certified tropical paradise, Miamians sure live with a lot of daily stress. There's the omnipresent road rage, the pressure of trying to keep up with the nonstop partying, the constant battle to be beautiful, and the tough work of holding down a job to pay for that high-flying Miami lifestyle. It's enough to make you want to hit something. But before you do something dumb, put down that antique vase Aunt Fanny left you in her will. Go to SoBe Kick instead. There, you can take your aggressions out on heavy bags. Don't assume this is just a punching and kicking free-for-all (although that would work too). Some of Miami's best fitness instructors (with the sickest bodies) will show you the ropes in a series of drills that will leave you mentally and physically drained in a good way. Think of SoBe Kick as a cross between therapy (and around $100 a month, way cheaper) and one of Rocky Balboa's training montages. Who's got the eye of the tiger now, son?

Readers' choice: Fight Club Miami

Start with a healthy dose of ballet's limb-stretching, toe-punishing routine. Add a dash of the heart-thumping cardio of Pilates. And finish with a side of yoga's muscle-bending focus. What do you get? No, it's not a Geneva Conventions-breaking form of physical torture. It's actually a helluva good time and a monster workout style called barre, which emphasizes high reps of small isometric movements. At Pulse 163, the barre classes move superfast, so you're never bored while you jam to a current, upbeat soundtrack. If you begin feeling the burn a little too hot, the friendly and professional staff at this bright Malibu-inspired fitness studio is always there with words of encouragement. Even if barre isn't your M.O., Pulse 163 offers yoga and a cardio dance class called Funk Fusion. A single barre class costs $23, but if you buy a group in bulk, you can save significant cash. Prior to opening their business in September 2014, Pulse 163's two owners — Melissa Grosfeld and Hilary Kates — tried virtually every barre-style workout in Miami. They did their research, and the proof is in the tight abs and thighs everywhere in this North Miami Beach studio.

Whoever said "nothing lasts forever" has clearly never gotten a good tattoo. That's why committing to body ink is about as intense a decision as tying the knot. After all, your average Miami tat lasts a helluva lot longer than most South Florida marriages. So you probably want to test-drive that ink design before you take the plunge. That's why it's so refreshing to walk into Green Machine to encounter a touch-screen monitor loaded with a portfolio of the shop's best work. What you won't find at this sleek, clean, green (even the ceiling and floor are a bright lime) paint parlor is any flash on the walls. They keep it classy and vintage with a fuchsia Victorian couch, skeletal antlers, and an antique clock you won't need to keep your eyes on. That's because unlike other tat shops, Green Machine charges by the session, not the hour. And as far as pricing goes, it's more than reasonable, especially when you take into account every job they do here is custom. (Prices vary widely, but a recent tattoo of a decent-sized elephant set us back $90.) So bring your ideas and get ready to have some deep conversation with artist/owner James Rossi. Expect some back-and-forth as you agree on the perfect drawing; you might even get turned down. That's right. If you're trying to tattoo any area of your body that won't heal right (i.e., the sides of your fingers or palms of your hands) or want something they deem small or downright stupid, they'll send you on your way. That's because the artists here pride themselves on the work they do — and because the last thing they want is for you to cover up their work of art or have to come back to fix it in ten years. That would be tattoo blasphemy.

Readers' choice: Tattoos by Lou

"We Create Dreams & Fix Nightmares." That's the slogan of this tried-and-true parlor, which is to say there are some pretty talented artists on staff. It stands to reason that if their hands are steady enough to ink your skin in eternal glory, they can handle piercing your face, stomach, or nether region without any cause for alarm. You know they've got professionalism down pat because they've been enhancing people's lives through the magic of body jewelry for more than ten years. They recently relocated to Miami's hippest hood, and not even a move could put a damper on their thriving business. Piercings run about $50, which includes the price of quality Wildcat jewelry. So go ahead — get that belly-button ring you've always wanted but never had the courage to face head-on. If you feel woozy, you can always walk to one of Wynwood's many fine bars to drink it off.

As you pull into the parking lot, try to stifle your laughter. The sign across the street at Bird Bowl boasts "59 years of family fun," and if you have too much fun with the things you're about to buy here, you just might start a family of your own or add to the one you already have. Playthings Miami is the be all and end all of sexy toys, lingerie, accessories, games, novelties, and, of course, DVDs. Open 9 a.m. to 2 a.m. every day of the year, it's the one and only place you should head when you're looking to spice things up. You'll be floored as soon as you enter the warehouse full of scanty "dance wear," costumes, rave gear, lingerie, and other items. Do you want finger gloves? They're here. Theme suspenders? Hook 'em up. Wigs in every shape, size, and color? Let your imagination be your guide. There are even crazy contact lenses for the freak in all of us. Walk through the seemingly endless ocean of clothes, past the wall of condoms and R-rated gadgets, and (if you're 18 or older) enter the back-door NSFW arena, the space in which everything steamy and pleasurable resides. Here you'll find row upon row of pornography for whatever tickles your fancy — celebrity, Latin, gay, lesbian, vintage, instructional, Bang Bros, and everyone's favorite, "clearance." Don't be shy. Fork over $40 and the world is your oyster, or at least your rosy clam.

When you name your spirits shop after the Roman god of wine, you set the bar pretty high. Especially when you're in the middle of party capital South Beach (and let's be real — if Roman mythology were popular today, there would probably be new epic stories about Bacchus' wild nights in SoBe). Bacchus Liquors meets these divine expectations. Chicly appointed with welcoming furniture, the store offers a comfortable setting for liquor lovers to browse the extensive selection of wines and spirits from around the world. Regular free tastings and moderate prices also make this place a favorite among locals, but perhaps some of its best customers never actually set foot in the store. That's because Bacchus delivers anywhere on the Beach, and orders over $50 are always delivered free of charge. Which means you won't pay extra for the service of Mercury, the god of speedy delivery.

Readers' choice: Total Wine & More