"Run, pig, run" is the motto of this pork-centric restaurant from 50 Eggs Inc. Though the opening of Swine Southern Table & Bar might be extremely bad news for the oinkers of the world, it's cause for celebration in the City Beautiful. After all, in a town once known for having more bridal shops than brides per capita, it's nice to know you can walk into a place and get a heaping portion of fall-off-the-bone pig flesh and a good, stiff drink. Swine is bathed in warm amber lighting — the kind that makes everything sepia-toned, like an old postcard. Try dining on the second floor, overlooking the communal table. The decibel level is high on a Friday evening, when every seat is filled with petite women in designer finery tearing into dry-rubbed and smoked Memphis-style ribs ($32) and devouring hunks of bovine goodness in the form of Black Angus burnt ends ($16) served on butcher paper to sop up the juices. The accompanying men gladly pick up the tab to watch their dates lose themselves in a feeding frenzy filled with such raw carnal pleasure. To wash down all of this meaty goodness, the bar program features plenty of good Kentucky bourbon, including the cultish Pappy Van Winkle collection. Don't think Swine is inelegant, however. Everything in this room has a pedigree — from the shelves, made of reclaimed barn wood, to the photographs depicting Mississippi blues culture by photojournalist Bill Steber, to the iron machinery parts hanging on the wall. Swine may be rough around the edges, but there's a diamond hiding inside — and it's made of bacon.

There are two ways to open a restaurant in Miami. The first is to invest a boatload of money (hopefully not yours); hire a team of decorators, consultants, artists, musicians, and public relations people; and then make the glitziest place in town. The other way is to build all the tables and the bar from scratch and stick to a simple menu based on a no-nonsense theme of serving people tasty food procured from local sources that customers can feel good about. If you're a douchebag, you'll flock to restaurant number one for expensive grub with lots of foam and edible flowers and pyrotechnics. However, if you just want a really good burger and a brew, you'll head to LoKal. Owner Matt Kuscher has done everything by hand in this small, friendly locals respite from nearby CocoWalk. He's even glued several hundred cassette tapes onto the bar for decoration, put out doggie biscuits for local pups, and picked fresh gator for the menu. The menu, by the way, comprises mostly burgers and beer. But the burgers are made from local hormone-free, grass-fed cattle. And the beer is carefully selected to be local and delicious. And did we mention that LoKal's burgers and beer were reviewed on LeBron James' personal website? It could be because there's a burger here named after the Miami Heat, made with spicy jack, jalapeños, and sriracha ($11) — or it could simply be because it's one damn fine sandwich. Not into burgers? There are "pink tacos" made with shrimp freshly harvested from the Gulf of Mexico ($11), chicken and waffles that would make your mom tear up in jealousy ($14), and fresh local gator strips ($12). If that's not enough for ya, maybe you'll be convinced by the complete doggie menu that features Bowser Beer.

Even though Miami is considered the "sixth borough" of New York City, it has a dearth of real, honest-to-goodness restaurants serving authentic Italian-American cuisine. We're talking red sauce, fresh clams, spicy sausage, and homemade pasta served by sassy guys who look like they could moonlight as Tony Soprano's foot soldiers. Alba's chef Ralph Pagano looks (and cooks) the part of a New York restaurateur, and the food — from the clams oreganata "Sheepshead Bay style" ($12) to the lobster francese ($34), taken from Pagano's grandfather Vinny D's recipe — makes you pine for the old country (the old country being, of course, Coney Island). Pagano also loves a party, so visit on WTF (Wine, Travel, Food) Thursday, when the affable toque will stuff you with whatever he's cooking and drinking for only $35. If you're feeling lucky, go for the Vinny D split, which gives you a chance to win your meal for free. As you dive into your bucatini carbonara, whose poached egg commingles with the pancetta and fresh pasta ($21), take a whiff of fresh sea air and close your eyes. Are you back in Sheepshead Bay or at a tony Sunny Isles Beach resort? As Pagano himself would probably say: "Just shut the f--k up and eat." So we do.

Kendall may be a lovely place to raise a family, but when it comes to dining, it can be a suburban wasteland. If you live there, you probably find yourself dining at big chain restaurants that "treat you like family" and whose waitstaff wears "flair" and suspenders. But, as if dropped from the sky by a benevolent race of space gourmands, Devon Seafood & Steak suddenly appeared at, of all places, the Palms at the Town & Country. Executive chef Scott Barrow serves a 16-ounce USDA Prime Kansas City strip ($45) worthy of any fine establishment in Chicago, New York, or... Miami! The seafood section sounds like a travel guide: barramundi from New Zealand, mahi-mahi from Costa Rica, rainbow trout from Idaho — all flown in daily. Devon uses the best purveyors for its proteins and produce — going so far as to thank them right on the menu. You might even recognize the names of some fine-dining establishments in the Design District or Brickell: Creekstone Farms, Jackman Ranch Farm, Lynn Bros. Seafood. Go ahead. Take the money you saved in gas and order dessert. After all, you're only a few minutes from home.

Ni.Do. Caffè's bentwood chairs and wooden tables are very charming. So are the restaurant's artichoke soufflé ($14), delectable pumpkin soup, and ample meat lasagna ($16) — thick layers of pasta smothered in Bolognese sauce, mozzarella, and Parmesan. Sure, at this Italian joint, there is wine, tiramisu, and fun. But stay focused, because these things are even more delightful with a side of Ni.Do.'s house-made cheeses: ricotta, mozzarella fior di latte, and burrata. The last ($10.50), made with cow's milk, is a wonderful knotted pouch of mozzarella with an oozing center full of fresh curds and cream. Add salty prosciutto, some marinated cherry tomatoes, and mixed olives. Italo-overload? No, no. A platter laden with fresh cheeses, vegetables, and charcuterie is as charming as dinner can get.

Everything about 2B Asian Bistro is bold. But first and foremost is its founder, Bond Trisransri, whose Mohawk is as tall as a top hat. There was his decision to open not one but two sushi restaurants in Little Havana (Trisransri also launched Mr. Yum at Calle Ocho and 20th Avenue). And then, of course, there is the food: colorful, intricate, and spicy offerings such as wahoo carpaccio ($13.95), sexy dynamite rolls ($16.95), and fried duck in cinnamon plum sauce ($24.95). That might be de rigueur downtown, but in a neighborhood where the average meal is a cafecito and pastelito, 2B Asian is downright different. That's a good thing. Although the bistro might be a bit expensive, most meals are worth it. The sushi is fresh and succulent, from the simple salmon yuzu roll to the luxurious lobster tempura roll. The renegade restaurant also offers steaming curries, chef's specials like the flaming fish — a slice of halibut engulfed in rum-fueled flames — and Thai doughnuts for dessert. Be bold. Indulge. You can always walk next door for a cheap cigar and a cortadito afterward.

For some of us, the other six days of the week pass in a gray streak as we await Sunday. It is then that our otherwise colorless week is turned tomato red as we sit down to that most wonderful of libations — the bloody mary. After all, how many other cocktails can boast they are as fulfilling as a meal? A bloody can disappoint by being unoriginal, but the version at 660 at the Angler's Resort is fresh and vibrant. It begins with a house-made mix consisting of fresh tomato juice, a squeeze of lime, a touch of Tabasco, and a wisp of Worcestershire. From there, Finlandia vodka is added, black pepper is sprinkled, and the rim is kissed with a blend of spices. The first sip is soul-satisfying as the subtle spice provides an endorphin rush before the vodka works its mellowing magic. One bloody is $9, but why would you stop there when three are such a bahgain, dahling, at $14? Though available every day, the 660 bloody mary is best reserved for Sunday, if only to give us a reason to live through the workweek.

It's Friday evening on South Beach and you've just finished a stressful workweek. Everyone walking along Lincoln Road seems to be on vacation except you. As you watch tanned (or sunburned) bodies in bejeweled flip-flops stroll the pedestrian mall, you have a sudden urge to duck into a café and sit with a cool drink. The festive citrus colors of SushiSamba catch your eye, and you choose a prime spot under an oversize orange umbrella. You don't even need to peruse the menu. You want a mojito supremo ($14). Though many mojitos are mixed with whatever rum comes in a plastic gallon container, this beauty comes with Zafra, a rare 21-year-old Panamanian elixir filled with tropical fruit and spice notes. The rum is mixed with fresh mint leaves and lime juice before being topped with Zonin prosecco. As samba music plays in the background, you take a long sip, allowing the cold liquid to hit between your eyes in an exquisite brain freeze that blocks out the interior noises of your boss screaming, the bills mounting, and the world. Then you melt into the melody and enjoy your own South Beach vacation — if only for an hour.

Fendi purses, Gucci heels, and Ferraris. That's how we roll in the 305, where excess is everything and more is, well, more. You can say a lot about our piece of the world, but you simply cannot say we are subtle. So when you're out on the town, will a simple $18 martini do? Not for a playah like you. You need the DiVine martini at Haven gastro-lounge. As you walk into the room, the bar is packed, but the crowd parts like the Red Sea for you, oh, master (or mistress) of the universe. You take the last available seat at the bar and ask mixologist extraordinaire Isaac Grillo for something special. What you receive is the DiVine martini, an ice-cold luxury libation that starts with a liberal pour of Stoli Elit (you know, the vodka that consistently achieves platinum status from the Beverage Testing Institute) and adds a touch of Filthy olive brine before being stirred gently but firmly. Prior to being presented to you, caviar-stuffed olives are added as a garnish. This is a cocktail worthy of your status in life. At $40, it's a far cry from happy hour in the suburbs — but then again, so are you.

Of course we flock to Lime Fresh Mexican Grill for those fresh tacos and that queso dip, but a meal here just doesn't feel right without one of those bright-green frozen margaritas. They taste like candy and go down even quicker. It's nearly impossible not to consider ordering another. Oh, what the heck. But let's be careful — too many could get us drumk. Ha, did we write "drumk"? We totally meant "drumk." Whoops, wrote it again. No, we're fine. Hey. Hey, reader. Did we ever tell you how awesome you are? No, we really, really mean it. You're always there for us. Reading us. Are you still seeing that guy? 'Cuz we always thought maybe, you know, maybe we could have had something. Oh, you're still together with him? That's cool. Don't worry. Don't even worrby abot it. Do you wanna dance right now? Ohmygawd, we love this songggg! Don'tyouloveit? It's soooooofjsdfjdkslfjsdkf. [Editor's note: These margaritas are delicious, but please drink responsibly.]