Sunrise in Miami Beach. The clubbers are back in their hotel rooms, and the international papers have just been delivered to News Café. Two tables away: She's not wearing any makeup but for a gentle dab of red lipstick, most of which has been kissed onto her cigarette. Her eyes are inscrutable behind sunglasses. Then she opens her $5.20 copy of Le Figaro and you know to say something mildly xenophobic, perhaps about Arabs, and within moments you're making love on the sand across Ocean Drive. Or she's reading La Gazzetta Dello Sport ($5) and you lower your demitasse long enough to say that Inter has been merda since Mourinho left, and then it's back-of-the-net back in her suite. Or she's reading the Daily Racing Form ($7) and, even though the sun isn't fully up yet, you buy her something cheap and strong and next thing you know, you're seeing just how sturdy the locks are in the café's tastefully decorated bathrooms. News Café has pared back its selection in recent years but still offers six international papers Monday through Saturday, plus the Guardian Weekly ($4.50), dozens of foreign magazines, and all the New York newspapers (except Newsday, which beautiful strangers do not read). It's one of the last places in Miami Beach to get a newsy dose of the real world 24 hours a day.

Want to find the real Miami? Stop in Vilar Cigar Shop on a Friday or Saturday night, buy yourself a Maximus Double Corona — you might spend $17.50 on the stogy, but honestly, the extravagance is kind of the point — and walk upstairs to the lounge with supple leather armchairs. The place will be crowded with successful men of all ilk — doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs — shrouded in fragrant tobacco clouds and animatedly arguing in English, Spanish, and glorious Spanglish. The owner is Henry Vilar, who is also a baseball agent specializing in representing players from Cuba and the rest of Latin America. Shoot the shit, drink beer or rum, slam dominoes, and puff away. This isn't the kind of scene you can find in Minnesota.

Hey there, fella. It's time to let that special lady in your life know that your love is meant to be. But where to buy the rock to show how much she rocks? For more than a quarter-century, Elena and Arie Paz, owners of Richard's Gems & Jewelry, have helped thousands of grooms design eye-popping, ice-encrusted I-will-never-leave-or-hurt-you bands for their brides-to-be. Customers can watch the on-site master jeweler mold the ring and set the stones in it from start to finish. Or you can pick a big diamond rock that can be put on more than a hundred styles of mounting rings decorated with smaller round-cut diamonds that range in price from $875 to $4,500. If you're the kind of guy who wants to show your fine lady she is worthy of wearing a crown, splurge on the $6,700 blue-sapphire and diamond ring — inspired by the one Prince William gave to Kate Middleton. For the stoic man celebrating 60 years of marital bliss, Richard's stocks a blinding array of diamond bracelets, earrings, and necklaces that will remind her why she's the inspiration in your life. We recommend the 3.46-carat diamond pendant shaped like shooting stars set in white gold (only $4,489!) or the absolutely exquisite 2.80-carat pavé-diamond circle pendant that goes for $5,512. Located in the Seybold Building in downtown Miami, Richard's is open from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Saturday.

When we go to the barbershop, we don't want our head shampooed. We don't need women in top hats and corsets attending to us. And we don't want to pay more than $20. Sadly, that disqualifies most of the cabello chop shops in town. Thankfully, there is now the Amici Barber Shop in Miami Beach. In exchange for a single, dirty green portrait of Andrew Jackson, a barber here will cut your hair quickly but carefully. Seniors and kids get their strands snipped for $15. Amici's barbers will even rub your scalp vigorously with a brush for no extra charge. We know because we tried it. At first the sensation was a bit strange, but after a while, we fell into a Zen-like trance from which we have yet to emerge. We may not have gone to work or answered the phone in a week, but we are looking — and feeling — pretty damn good. Amici's interior, meanwhile, is a pleasant but efficient white-tiled space with the obligatory TV set or two. An English-speaker is usually on hand in case you need to translate some detailed instructions, such as whether you want your neckline tailored, boxed, or cut into a swallow tail. Best of all, Amici is open seven days a week, so there are no more excuses for showing up at work Monday looking like Tom Hanks in Cast Away.

If you survive all 9,000 kettlebell swings, hand-stand pushups, dead lifts, pullups, wall balls, box jumps, and overhead squats, CrossFit 305 promises to make you so tough you could tie an alligator in a knot with your glutes. If you've never tried CrossFit because you're afraid of red-faced and spitting militant trainers, stop watching trashy TV — this ain't Scared Straight. The trainers here have better things to do than to bark orders — namely to explain the WOD (CrossFit-speak for "workout of the day"), to encourage members, and to correct improper form. The thinking behind CrossFit is that if you never do the same workout twice, you'll constantly confuse your muscles and you'll end up in the all-around best shape and at the highest functional fitness level of your life. Peter, Sean, and Alex are among the certified CrossFit trainers who will assist you at any one of the seven classes offered weekdays at the gym. A more limited schedule is available on the weekends, including a yoga class on Sunday. When you notice that all of those air squats have manifested themselves as a solid, high-riding, and sexy culo, you'll understand why CrossFit is Miami's gym du jour.

Walking into Unknwn is like strolling into the pages of some mind-blowingly hip fashion magazine like Nylon Guys. With a mix of establishment-approved, up-and-coming fashion labels (Band of Outsiders, 3.1 Phillip Lim, A.P.C.) and street-wear brands (Warriors of Radness, Crooks & Castles, Stussy), the Aventura Mall outpost is a must-visit for any guy. This is designer wear at designer prices, but they aren't into the stratosphere (check out some sleek A.P.C. jeans for $158 or a 10 Deep varsity jacket for $154). There's stuff for the ladies too, but Unknwn stocks the kind of menswear that until now has been suspiciously hard to find in Miami. And oh yeah, it's owned by some guy you might have heard of: LeBron James. He's six-foot-eight, plays basketball, is kind of a big deal. The Heat forward teamed with a group of friends, including longtime pal Frankie Walker, to open the boutique, but the inventory is the real star here. Even if the owners were unknown, we'd still stop here to stock up our closet.

Sure, Bal Harbour Plastic Surgery owner Dr. Michael A. Salzhauer (AKA Dr. Schnoz) is probably most notorious for his supercontroversial, allegedly anti-Semitic "Jewcan Sam" music video contest, a 2012 rhinoplasty promo prank that seriously pissed off the uptight, humorless dorks at the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. But he's been fixing effed-up faces, problematic proboscises, droopy chins, saggy boobs, flabby bodies, and flat asses for the past decade and a half. So ultimately, the Schnoz is a true pro. With a medical degree from the Washington University School of Medicine (not to mention a ton of practical experience at Miami Beach's Mount Sinai, the University of Miami Medical Center, and the Cleveland Clinic Foundation), this self-anointed "Nose King of Miami" is a board-certified plastic surgeon who also happens to be an avid Twitter user (@DoctorMichael), iSurgeon app developer, author of a children's book about "Mommy makeovers," outspoken advocate for enhancing animal self-esteem by means of "Pet Plasty," and total marketing genius. Every year, Doc Salzhauer rescues 600-plus patients from Mother Nature's mistakes with his near-magical plastic surgery skills, performing all kinds of complex cosmetic procedures, including nose jobs, breast augmentations, liposuction, tummy tucks, face-lifts, Botox, and fillers. Whether you're a socialite, celeb, or mommy looking for a complete body makeover, call 305-NEW-NOSE. 'Cause nobody's perfect.

Your boss has been on your ass again all week about those TPS Reports. You did not get the memo. Your cubicle mate keeps doing that thing where she hums that Katy Perry song for hours at a time. The office smells like reheated Hot Pockets. Unless you can take the copy machine out back and go gangster on it with a baseball bat, there's only one option left to save your sanity: Get a massage already! More specifically, head to Massage Isles & Wellness Center in Sunny Isles Beach, where a classic 60-minute massage runs just $99 (plus tip, of course). Massage Isles has a boatload of specialty massages too, from a couple's session ($195 to share a room during the rubdown) to a sports massage aimed at athletes ($99) to a pregnancy massage for those who've been lugging around an extra human being in their belly for months ($99).

Fact: The events industry is a scam. No matter what item you're shopping for, sellers will immediately double the price when they learn you're buying it for your wedding, your daughter's bat mitzvah, or your 50th anniversary party. Anything sentimental, really. And in a city like Miami, where appearances count for a lot, florists can be among the worst offenders. That's why it's so refreshing to visit Hirni's. This isn't some fancy, over-the-top floral shop on wedding-crazed Miracle Mile. It's a quaint cabin on the southern edge of the city staffed by a flurry of friendly, flower-happy ladies who know their stuff. Walk into the showroom any time of year and you'll have your pick of premade arrangements in all sizes and colors, celebrating whatever special occasion is just around the corner. On the covered patio, you'll find freshly growing potted plants for sale. And if you'd like something a little more personal, it's easy to sit down with a designer and explain what you're looking for; the open layout of the country-style studio means you can watch as designers assemble your piece. But flowers for events is where Hirni's really shines. The store owner, Janice Tate, personally handles orders for large events. She is a no-nonsense, down-to-earth lady with an encyclopedic knowledge of the plants she sells. She knows to ask the important questions, like whether anyone in the wedding party might be allergic to the exotic flowers you've requested for your bouquet. She can offer advice drawn from years of experience, such as which flowers are likely to wilt in the sun during your niece's quinceañera. And she respects your bottom line — a refreshing oddity in the business. Tate knows that when your event looks good, her business looks good too, so she'll do everything within her power — and because she owns the place, that's a lot — to make it perfect.

Are you ready for a craniosacral massage? It's not some twisted fetish thing involving skulls and male private parts. It's a spa treatment at Exhale Miami that gently removes accumulated stress from the central nervous system and facilitates meditation. If you're looking for a treatment that works on the surface, try the Glow Body Scrub, which uses dry brushing, a citrus sugar scrub, and white tea lotion to make your skin feel like it's 1992. If a little poke is what you need to relax, try Exhale's many acupuncture and fusion therapies. (What did you think we meant?) There's also reiki and cupping for alternative-healing junkies. Want to take a more active role in your relaxation? Exhale is universally praised for its incredible yoga instructors, who offer group and private sessions that leave devoted students blissed out and begging for more. Especially popular are the Core Fusion and Exhale Slow Flow classes, led by Jodi Carey, a former Broadway dancer who's been teaching yoga for more than a decade. Then suck some Zen right through your pores with a Cool Beam facial, which uses antibacterial light to spark a collagen growth spurt. What truly makes this full-service spa exceptional is its professional and friendly staff members, who keep customers coming back whether they're full-time residents or twice-yearly passers-through.