Beer, Buffalo wings, sports on TV, students watching sports on TV. In most American cities, the college sports bar is a common occurrence. Not here in Miami. In fact the chief representative of this genre is a little bar near the University of Miami. The exterior of Duffy's signals safe haven -- a green shamrock, a sign that reads "Sports Grill," and a UM flag. Inside it's even better. Comfy booths, overflowing pitchers of beer, and, most important, fifteen TV sets tuned to -- yes -- sports. The place, which has been serving Miami since 1955, has the two essentials -- pitchers of Rolling Rock for $5.50, and platters of Buffalo wings for less than seven bucks. Most Thursday nights feature a rib special ($11.50 for a full slab). But beware, Gators and Seminoles: This is not any ordinary sports bar; this is a Canes sports bar.

Not too long ago Tootsie operated her business in a strip mall off State Road 441 (NE Second Avenue) and 199th Street, reeling in party-rocking dudes and chicks into her raunchy cabaret with two-for-one specials and a gorgeous crew of exotic dancers. A naturally pretty and adventuresome girl, Tootsie was famous for pushing the envelope of human sexuality by putting on incredible girl-on-girl shows starring some of her loosest friends. Today Tootsie is a still a slut, but she has undergone some cosmetic changes. She went out and got herself a new set of 36-DDD implants and copious Botox injections. Tootsie also moved down the street and bought her own 40,000-square-foot warehouse and turned it into a multimillion-dollar multimedia playground with an upstairs VIP lounge and five $500-an-hour skyboxes to entertain high-rolling corporate customers. The conceited bitch has even emblazoned her name on an enormous marquee on the first floor. "She used to be the Finnegan's of titty bars," laments an old regular. "Today she is a Vegas-style pussy Wal-Mart." At least Tootsie is still offering two-for-one specials, $10 table dances, and $20 lap dances. And, let's not forget, she still loves spinning the Wheel of Friction. And for that, we'll always love you Tootsie, you whore!

Open from 10:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m., this open-air sports bar serves up typical bar fare -- burgers, fries, onion rings -- made with uncommonly high-quality ingredients and cooked with surprising delicacy. The king-size cheese-steak sandwich costs $9, but it is an enormous portion, and it's made from Texas rib eye sliced on the premises by cook and co-owner Justin Hughes (a smaller portion is available for $6). The bar doesn't serve hard liquor, but one of the twenty imported beers available is the perfect accompaniment for Kingdom's excellent burger, a half-pound monster that would cost a lot more than six bucks at a different joint. The food selection includes a grilled chicken breast sandwich, wings, and a knockwurst hero, among other things. Sides include perfectly beer-battered onion rings, or spinach sautéed in olive oil with garlic and a splash of lemon. The kitchen is open until the bar closes, making this place a perfect spot to grab some food after a night out.

A raw bar is the best kind of bar, and Rodbenders is the best kind of raw bar: a friendly joint with verve, a happy vibe, and ambiance swimming with things nautical. "This is a home," says owner Kathy McMillan. "It's comfortable. It's a real neighborhood bar, especially for guys who like to fish. We have a fishing atmosphere." The walls are covered with rods, photos of customers with their catches, and mounted fish, including the ladies' world record mutton snapper, a 23.3 pound specimen caught by McMillan six years ago. Rodbenders even sponsors its own dolphin tournament (taking place June 24) and supports other local competitions. The servers' stand that greets customers is a representation of the center console of a boat. When Budweiser brought in a new blond ale, McMillan allowed her customers to name it: Reel Crazy, reads the label. Drink prices range from $3 to $7, and the seafood is delish, especially shrimp, dolphin, and the shrimp egg rolls. Oddly, though, the prime item happens to be the chicken wings ($4.95 for ten) served with a hot sauce or a honey blackened sauce. "They're good, aren't they? Our wings are reason enough to come down," chirps one waitress. When you do, give McMillan a photo of yourself with one of your catches. "We'll be glad to hang it on the wall," she says. Happy hours are 4:00 to 7:00 p.m. weekdays, but this is a place to get happy any time.

Whether you're concluding a trip to the Keys or attempting a serene re-entry into the weekday grind, Alabama Jack's is the perfect place to toast your weekend goodbye. A big outdoor bar-restaurant set in the middle of mangroves just north of the Card Sound Bridge, the 58-year-old Jack's is a South Florida institution and a great place to watch wading birds (and sometimes a snook or two) and let the sunset wash over you. The grub is straight bar food -- in a good way (fried seafood abounds), and on occasion a local country band takes the stage to boot your ass into the work week. Try the crabcakes ($7) or conch fritters ($6) for true Florida cracker fare. Open daily 11:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.

Do you like to drink cheap beer in the company of serious drinkers who don't give two shits about ambiance, South Beach glitz, cleanliness, or really anything except drinking? On the Rocks is your bar. Three beers, five bucks, 5:00 to 7:00 p.m. daily. Enough said.

All it takes is one song. One single song can make or break a mood, pack or empty a dance floor, ignite or extinguish a vibe. Just one tune can send a middle-age mother of two heading straight to the stripper pole, fool a white girl into thinking she be backing it up like Beyoncé do, inspire some dude to publicly perform the funky chicken and think he's actually cool, and make a gay man shed his shirt in a fit of nellyness. Few understand the strange, random, and mysterious power music wields over mankind better than DJs, because gauging which track will do what to whom is their craft. And around these parts, Jody McDonald is considered a master, Miami's number one man behind the music. "If you're spinning in a club, that's different, but when you're doing events and corporate gigs, it's not about you as a DJ," quips McDonald, "it's about what the client wants." Since beginning more than twenty years ago, McDonald has spun the soundtrack for everything from trendy fashion shows, decadent dance clubs, classical museum openings, and the pregame tent at the Orange Bowl, to infamous celebrity weddings. "They can range in music from Arabic lounge to contemporary hip-hop; you just have to be prepared." When McDonald DJed Mets catcher Mike Piazza's nuptials last summer, he made sure to pack an extra twelve-inch or two lest the newlywed change his tune at the last minute. And when he was invited to perform for sober former-Creed frontman Scott Stapp's wedding at Vizcaya this past February, McDonald left Jimmy Buffett's "Margaritaville" at home. Because as any good DJ will tell you, one song is all it takes.

It's difficult to believe this posh spot is still jumping with glitterati after notorious hip-hop producer Marion "Suge" Knight was shot in the leg while chilling at the Red Room during last year's Video Music Awards revelry. After all, who wants to get capped when you're dropping $500 on a bottle of Patrón? But the Suge incident seems to have added a dose of notoriety to South Beach's most exclusive VIP room. Of course, the service and the attitude at the Red Room are as pretentious as the eclectic décor, noted Sheri Mischon, a 24-year-old New York-born Jewish princess who attended Skybar's star-studded New Year's Eve soiree that included John Stamos, Molly Sims, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Vin Diesel, and perennial Red Room guest Lil' Jon. Of course, you need a strong stomach to withstand the onslaught of dull, beautiful people preoccupied with posing in front of others. But what else would you expect from a tr?ès chic snob bar? Now excuse us -- we just saw Lindsay Lohan and Mischa Barton walk through the door.

When the precocious, self-absorbed, ridiculously good-looking boys and girls who earn their living posing for catalogues and strutting the catwalk want a place where they can get down and dirty, they scamper to Ted's Hideaway, the institutional dive bar between Collins and Washington. After all, Ted's offers a nice respite from the glittery, Top 40 hip-hop-infused SoBe club scene where the models get to mingle with the local surf rats and other colorful characters who troll the blocks south of Fifth. Don't believe us? Check out Ted's on Tuesday nights before Tommy Pooch's Hotel Astor party or on Thursday nights on the way to Snatch. You'll be surprised by how many faces represented by Wilhelmina, Next, and Elite are playing pool and rocking the jukebox at Ted's.

In Miami's small but burgeoning wine bar scene, newcomer Stop Miami is a cut above. While other vino joints may have more selection or sex appeal, Stop Miami is the most eclectic, laid-back, and friendly spot to sip a Pinot Grigio and nibble on Serrano ham. Cozily ensconced in a former gas station on the edge of Wynwood and the Design District, the little bar spills onto the sidewalk with tables and chairs. Everyone seems to know one another here, and the vibe is warm. Bottles are moderately priced from $12 for a 2003 Shale Ridge Syrah from Monterey, California, to $31 for a 2004 Insoglio de Cinghiale red blend from Bibbona, Italy. Wine by the glass is $4 and up. Tapas and montaditos such as Spanish egg tortilla and boquerones in vinaigrette range from $2 to $10. Happy hour features $3 sangrias and wine and beer specials, but there are plenty of other reasons to visit, including free winetastings Fridays and live music most nights. If you want to avoid the $9 corkage fee, try a beer from the more-than-adequate selection of bottles for $4 and $5; then take your bottle of wine to go. Stop Miami is open Tuesday through Thursday from 5:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m., Fridays and Saturdays from 5:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m., and Sundays from 6:00 p.m. to midnight.