BEST PLACE TO CURE YOUR ILLS 2002 | Halouba Botanica | Best Restaurants, Bars, Clubs, Music and Stores in Miami | Miami New Times
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BEST PLACE TO CURE YOUR ILLS

Halouba Botanica

Let's say that one day the devil jumps down your throat when you are caught with your mouth open, and from then on you are worse than miserable with bad luck and grief. You may be haunted, the victim of a spell. You may never know who is responsible. But let's say the only thing that will get you back on the upside of life is a one-ounce bottle of Go-Away Evil. Or in Spanish, Rompe Brujería. Marie Talia Noel has got it, at the reasonable price of three dollars. It is rose-colored, scented, and just before bedtime you can splash it on and then sleep while the demon flees. But let's say the Go-Away Evil is too weak and you remain in Beelzebub's grip. What to do then? At the number above, contact Papa Paul, a certified voodoo priest, who can mix up a custom elixir just for you.

BEST BUSINESS NAME

Señor Stereo

Need we say mas?

BEST SPORTING GOODS STORE

Play It Again Sports

The marketing-recycling phenomenon began in Minnesota in the Eighties with Once Upon a Child, the notion that kids outgrow their clothes, toys, and furniture so fast it's nuts to just keep buying new, then spread to sports (Play It Again), and lately to the electronic-communications frontier with places like Computer Renaissance. Out in Kendall Irv Richter has been doing bang-up volume on Wilson outfielders' gloves and Rawlings catchers' mitts ($7, $12, $30, depending on condition); exercise benches that go for hundreds at new retail but which he can move for $30; treadmills retailing at Sports Authority for $1800 to $2400 pricing out at $250; and home gyms that sell for $1500 to $3000 new going for between $200 and $600. "The average kid plays different sports in different stages," Richter explains, "and if you're a young mom or dad you might be buying for yourself too." If you can buy good merchandise at half or two-thirds off, what's the point of being snobby about "brand-new" status? Play It Again Sports will even let you give yourself discounts on trade-ins or tradeups, or selling on consignment. Even when the economy rights itself and bin Laden is just a memory, you may never want to return to Bal Harbour to shop again.

BEST DELIVERY SERVICE

On Call Beer Express

So your party is a hit. Somehow your pad is full of cool strangers who are mingling loudly around the keg of Pabst. As you approach the center you hear some chick bitching about the soggy suds being spit from the tap. Some geek is trying to impress her by dipping the spout below the canister. Although he insists he can muster up some cerveza, you know the cool brew will soon be gone. It's too late and you're much too drunk for a beer run, and letting the party sputter out will only kill your newly attained social standing. What to do? On Call Beer Express can save your sorry butt. They work the right hours (3:00 p.m. till 3:00 a.m. Sunday through Thursday, and till 5:00 a.m. Friday and Saturday), and they stay sober so they can make door-to-door deliveries of all types of domestic and imported beers, plastic cups, cigarettes, and other party essentials all over Miami. The On Call guys also serve couch potatoes too lazy to make a beer run during prime time. They will gladly deliver the minimum order, a twelve-pack, to your front door.

BEST ADULT VIDEO STORE

Miami Playground Adult Entertainment

They claim to be the largest adult bookstore in the entire U.S. of A. True? Who knows? Who cares? Size doesn't matter, right? This clean, well-lighted place for porn and sex toys, conveniently located near State Road 112 and busy 27th Avenue, has everything a sexy beast might need, from Astroglide to poppers to lingerie to dildos to anatomically correct lollipops. The store's array of new and well-kept video booths affords privacy to those customers who lack VHS equipment or who simply may not wish to bring home X-rated material. An added plus: The Playground shares parking lots with a Burger King and a check-cashing store, which provides discreet cover for those who are still shy about patronizing such places, even though it's perfectly legal.

BEST RUSSIAN VIDEO STORE

Moscow Video

Lurking behind a Miami Subs and a bikini shop on an awkward corner beneath the 163rd Street overpass, Moscow Video is a curious catch-all shop of videos, CDs, cassettes, Russian newspapers, and small, ornately decorated wooden boxes. Besides the Russian-language flicks you can enjoy the sublime pleasure of Eddie Murphy's comic masterpieces as translated into the mother tongue. But the most entertaining thing is just to linger in the aisles, casting furtive glances at the people renting the movies or getting their passport photos taken in the next room. Businessman? Housewife? Red Mafiya? Soak it up and speculate all you want.

BEST BEACH BOUTIQUE

La Squadra

"I knew you'd be back," says Stephane Amar with a satisfied smile. A few hours earlier you had stopped in at his shop on Washington Avenue searching for a new suit. His racks featured several sweet-looking suits from Europe. The fit could not be topped and the price was too low to believe. You were prudent, though. You said you wanted to shop around. But after a tour of every other boutique and shop on South Beach, you most definitely returned to La Squadra and to Amar, who was waiting. "You can't beat the price on a suit of this quality," he murmurs. "I knew I'd see you again." La Squadra is a small shop, run by Amar and his partner. The selection is not terribly vast, but the clothes they feature, for both men and women, are high quality and very stylish. After you try on the suit again, Amar offers up a Prada shirt, a Gucci tie, and a pair of square-toed dress shoes. But it doesn't feel as though he's piling on. He's not pushing. The accessories just happen to work perfectly. And their price, collectively, is as reasonable as the suit. You take the whole package, but not before Amar takes a call from his grandmother in his native Montreal. "Yes, I love you too," he says in French. You feel like joining in. Amar's a lovable guy. His shop is a lovely shop.

BEST SECONDHAND STORE

Bargain Box

This small storefront boutique d'yesterjour, located near the Orange Bowl, features the usual thrift-store goodies like books, records, kitchenware, appliances, and furniture. But the best reason to go there is the clothing: men's and women's suits, shirts, jackets, jeans, and shoes, a lot of it in almost-new condition. Prices are cheap, the ladies who run the place will let you haggle with them, and the proceeds go to a good cause.

BEST SOCCER SHOP

Soccer Locker of Miami

There's a reason we keep naming this store numero uno among soccer outlets. In a word it's service. Oh yeah, and the selection is pretty good too. The first-time futbol mom, facing a daunting array of supplies, can take comfort in the patient explanations on the relative merits of the Diadora line of balls and cleats and gloves and shin guards, versus Filas, Adidas, or the half-dozen other major sports outfitters. For those early planners hoping to cash in on junior's field prowess, this is the place to pick up that replica jersey to wrap your first-born in, channeling Pele or Maradona. Store hours are 10:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. Monday through Friday and 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. on Saturday. Sundays they are open until 5:00 p.m.

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Best Of Miami®

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