Best Martini 1999 | Best Restaurants, Bars, Clubs, Music and Stores in Miami | Miami New Times
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Best Martini

The herd mentality that led countless clueless to "rediscover" the martini, and which has resulted in untold thousands of badly made cocktails to be served here over the past several years -- that maddening mindlessness has finally reached its nadir. We point to three unrelated events as proof beyond doubt that the party is over. (And none too soon, we might add.) Item: Late last year a French liquor manufacturer rolled into town with something called Grey Goose vodka and proceeded to host a South Beach search for the best martini -- made with its own liquor, of course. Many witless dining and drinking enterprises participated, lemming-like. (Note to the knuckleheads: Authentic martinis can only be made with gin.) Item: A certain unnamed bar in a certain unnamed hotel, which has won this award four times, recently revealed just how far the mighty have fallen. The drink was ordered "very dry," which the bartender wrongly interpreted to mean no vermouth whatsoever. Needless to say, if it doesn't have at least a touch of vermouth, it isn't a martini. When this fact was brought to his attention, he summarily dumped in a thimbleful of vermouth and promptly ruined it, though he didn't seem to care, or even know what he'd done. Then came the bill: $11. Per drink. Enough said? Item: In December 1998 Miami Herald resident hipster Fred Tasker wrote this sentence, which his editors approved and the newspaper actually printed: "The martini is the latest really in thing among Beautiful People, if you believe the hype." Right you are, daddy-o. Connoisseurs of the world's most elegant cocktail may feel a bit sheepish about having momentarily wandered astray in the counterfeit world of chocolate martinis and fruit martinis and God knows what else. But the truth is you can go home again. In this case that means returning to a proper and confident American steak house along the lines of the Capital Grille, the Palm, Morton's, or Smith & Wollensky. For generations the martini has been held in the highest esteem at such establishments. Settle into a leather banquette, take a deep breath, and relax. Your martini is on its way.

Best Martini

The herd mentality that led countless clueless to "rediscover" the martini, and which has resulted in untold thousands of badly made cocktails to be served here over the past several years -- that maddening mindlessness has finally reached its nadir. We point to three unrelated events as proof beyond doubt that the party is over. (And none too soon, we might add.) Item: Late last year a French liquor manufacturer rolled into town with something called Grey Goose vodka and proceeded to host a South Beach search for the best martini -- made with its own liquor, of course. Many witless dining and drinking enterprises participated, lemming-like. (Note to the knuckleheads: Authentic martinis can only be made with gin.) Item: A certain unnamed bar in a certain unnamed hotel, which has won this award four times, recently revealed just how far the mighty have fallen. The drink was ordered "very dry," which the bartender wrongly interpreted to mean no vermouth whatsoever. Needless to say, if it doesn't have at least a touch of vermouth, it isn't a martini. When this fact was brought to his attention, he summarily dumped in a thimbleful of vermouth and promptly ruined it, though he didn't seem to care, or even know what he'd done. Then came the bill: $11. Per drink. Enough said? Item: In December 1998 Miami Herald resident hipster Fred Tasker wrote this sentence, which his editors approved and the newspaper actually printed: "The martini is the latest really in thing among Beautiful People, if you believe the hype." Right you are, daddy-o. Connoisseurs of the world's most elegant cocktail may feel a bit sheepish about having momentarily wandered astray in the counterfeit world of chocolate martinis and fruit martinis and God knows what else. But the truth is you can go home again. In this case that means returning to a proper and confident American steak house along the lines of the Capital Grille, the Palm, Morton's, or Smith & Wollensky. For generations the martini has been held in the highest esteem at such establishments. Settle into a leather banquette, take a deep breath, and relax. Your martini is on its way.

Best Dance Club

Kitchen Club

Unlike its homogeneous counterparts in South Beach, this ten-year-old danceteria doesn't cater to celebs and fashion slaves, or to the hype engendering such trendiness. Hell, the Kitchen doesn't even have a telephone. What the club has is a dedication to the dark side of nightlife, the Gothic ethos, those decadent delights of revelry no one will ever tell their grandchildren about. It's an undying vision dating back to the late Eighties when the Kitchen was in South Beach, a time when South Beach enjoyed its hipness heyday. As the carpetbaggers invaded, the Kitchen headed to the mainland, setting up shop in Coconut Grove and the Design District before settling in the Shores a couple of years ago. With nary a velvet rope or tourist in sight, the Kitchen remains Miami's reliably black-garbed island in a stormy sea of nightlife.

Best Dance Club

Kitchen Club

Unlike its homogeneous counterparts in South Beach, this ten-year-old danceteria doesn't cater to celebs and fashion slaves, or to the hype engendering such trendiness. Hell, the Kitchen doesn't even have a telephone. What the club has is a dedication to the dark side of nightlife, the Gothic ethos, those decadent delights of revelry no one will ever tell their grandchildren about. It's an undying vision dating back to the late Eighties when the Kitchen was in South Beach, a time when South Beach enjoyed its hipness heyday. As the carpetbaggers invaded, the Kitchen headed to the mainland, setting up shop in Coconut Grove and the Design District before settling in the Shores a couple of years ago. With nary a velvet rope or tourist in sight, the Kitchen remains Miami's reliably black-garbed island in a stormy sea of nightlife.

Best Place To Take A Twelve After You Zer0-Six, QSL?

Chasers Bar, above the Miami-Dade Police Benevolent Association

Tough shift. Good thing it's over ("zero-six" is code for "end of shift"). Now you need to get a bite to eat (known as a "twelve") and recover, right? ("QSL" in policese -- for "that's acknowledged.") You tore your pants tackling that fleeing suspect. Your sergeant's looking for you about the coffee stains on your report. And on top of it all, a detective from internal affairs wants to ask if you know anything about your ex-partner's new manse in Boca. You need to go somewhere safe. No better place than Chasers. On the floor below are the offices of a half-dozen PBA lawyers, enough to intimidate any IA detective. This allows you to eat your sirloin in peace. And unlike at civilian hangouts, you don't draw gawks just because you have guns and handcuffs swinging from your hips. Even though the place is open to the public, as far as you can see it's all blue and tan uniforms. You pig out, order a brew, kick back. So you'll have to buy a new pair of pants. So what? Your reports could be neater. And you know, now that you think about it, that is a pretty big oceanside house your partner built.

Best Place To Take A Twelve After You Zer0-Six, QSL?

Chasers Bar, above the Miami-Dade Police Benevolent Association

Tough shift. Good thing it's over ("zero-six" is code for "end of shift"). Now you need to get a bite to eat (known as a "twelve") and recover, right? ("QSL" in policese -- for "that's acknowledged.") You tore your pants tackling that fleeing suspect. Your sergeant's looking for you about the coffee stains on your report. And on top of it all, a detective from internal affairs wants to ask if you know anything about your ex-partner's new manse in Boca. You need to go somewhere safe. No better place than Chasers. On the floor below are the offices of a half-dozen PBA lawyers, enough to intimidate any IA detective. This allows you to eat your sirloin in peace. And unlike at civilian hangouts, you don't draw gawks just because you have guns and handcuffs swinging from your hips. Even though the place is open to the public, as far as you can see it's all blue and tan uniforms. You pig out, order a brew, kick back. So you'll have to buy a new pair of pants. So what? Your reports could be neater. And you know, now that you think about it, that is a pretty big oceanside house your partner built.

Best Nightlife Trend

Legal after-hours

For reasons best left to the dark side of the imagination, many people firmly believe that 5:00 a.m. is an inappropriately early time for bars and nightclubs to shut their doors. Simply put, party till noon. Over the years clandestine postdawn haunts such as Hombre, Club X, Niva, and Jones Town remained confined to South Beach's shadow world. Then the Mix figured out that an establishment need only nix alcohol to legally stay open at any hour. That was more than a year ago. Since then three more clubs -- Pump, Fabrik, and Kit Kat -- have greeted the sun with open doors, helping to meet the increasing demand from revelers who seek a never-ending night. In the witching hours, vampiric partiers now have the right to feel the power of DJ David Padilla's moving sound system at the Mix, hang out with promoters Carlos and Jeff and their crew of boys at Pump, or float timelessly between Fabrik and Kit Kat. The clubs generally open about 4:00 a.m. and continue well past breakfast time.

Best Nightlife Trend

Legal after-hours

For reasons best left to the dark side of the imagination, many people firmly believe that 5:00 a.m. is an inappropriately early time for bars and nightclubs to shut their doors. Simply put, party till noon. Over the years clandestine postdawn haunts such as Hombre, Club X, Niva, and Jones Town remained confined to South Beach's shadow world. Then the Mix figured out that an establishment need only nix alcohol to legally stay open at any hour. That was more than a year ago. Since then three more clubs -- Pump, Fabrik, and Kit Kat -- have greeted the sun with open doors, helping to meet the increasing demand from revelers who seek a never-ending night. In the witching hours, vampiric partiers now have the right to feel the power of DJ David Padilla's moving sound system at the Mix, hang out with promoters Carlos and Jeff and their crew of boys at Pump, or float timelessly between Fabrik and Kit Kat. The clubs generally open about 4:00 a.m. and continue well past breakfast time.

Best Lush-Life Bar

Club Deuce Bar and Grill

All anyone need say is that they're going to the Deuce for a drink. The rest is understood: reasonable prices liberally mixed with surreal circumstances. Proprietor Mac Klein says his is a neighborhood bar, a description that takes on new meaning in South Beach. The Deuce's patrons are generally a tolerant, open-minded lot: straight, gay, bi, transsexual, roughnecks, gentry, white trash, and geeks. Well, not too many geeks. The Deuce closes for only three hours per day, ready to set up anyone who needs a belt between 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. Klein says people go to his bar, the oldest in Miami Beach, for nostalgia, which he believes evokes a desire to consume alcohol. He says old patrons return because, "If you leave the Beach for ten years, and come back to the Deuce, everything will be the same. We never change anything. It'll be like you're ten years younger."

Best Lush-Life Bar

Club Deuce Bar and Grill

All anyone need say is that they're going to the Deuce for a drink. The rest is understood: reasonable prices liberally mixed with surreal circumstances. Proprietor Mac Klein says his is a neighborhood bar, a description that takes on new meaning in South Beach. The Deuce's patrons are generally a tolerant, open-minded lot: straight, gay, bi, transsexual, roughnecks, gentry, white trash, and geeks. Well, not too many geeks. The Deuce closes for only three hours per day, ready to set up anyone who needs a belt between 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. Klein says people go to his bar, the oldest in Miami Beach, for nostalgia, which he believes evokes a desire to consume alcohol. He says old patrons return because, "If you leave the Beach for ten years, and come back to the Deuce, everything will be the same. We never change anything. It'll be like you're ten years younger."

Best Of Miami®

Best Of Miami®

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