As news breaks that yet another cast member is leaving Saturday Night Live next year, bringing the total to three (possibly four), you'd think that Lorne Michaels would be going through a mini breakdown. But even with the departures of heavyweights Andy Samberg and Kristen Wiig, upcoming star Abby Elliott, and the threats of fence sitter Jason Sudeikis, Michaels is probably still happily sitting high on his throne of late night comedy excellence.
Still, last season's SNL finale had below average ratings, indicating the show's due for a much needed make-over. Here at Cultist, we have an easy solution for the SNL team: Look no further than the Magic City.
Any local purveyor of comedy in South Florida will tell you there's a stockpile of untouched genius hanging around the region's clubs and Improvs. Here are our suggestions for Miamian SNL cast member replacements.
Pepe Billete
Cultist's own columnist is one of Miami's favorite comedians. The puppet's Twitter feed alone is enough to prove he has the comedy chops to make it past the lobby of 30 Rock. But his true genius is seen in his YouTube videos and surprisingly insightful weekly articles. Considering that there's grumblings that "Weekend Update" needs a new identity, why not put a smart mouthed Cuban made of felt at the helm? #PLP!
Pair of Nuts
Are these two not the perfect inheritors of the Digital Short reigns, now that Andy Samberg is leaving? Their mega popular gay-trilogy of "Gay-O," "Gaytorade," and "Colgay" are all the qualifications they need. These two would turn "Dick in a Box" into a song about Richard Nixon's funeral.
Lisa Corrao
With Abby Elliott and Kristen Wiig leaving the SNL cast, there's going to be a serious lack of female star power on the show. Thankfully, Lisa Corrao, who finished in the Top 10 for Nick-at-Night's Funniest Mom in America competition, has two things going for her that makes her perfect the job: she's hilarious and she's adorable. Plus, it looks like she could do a wicked impersonation of Kelly Ripa, Eva Longoria, or any other tiny female celebrity.
Notorious Nastie
Is Miami's biggest asshole ready for the national stage? Probably not. But boy, would it be funny to see his hairy, jiggy body running across the SNL studio. Or repulsive. All we know is that either way, Notorious will do almost anything for a buck, and seeing what the comedy writers would come up with would be worth letting a guy named "Nastie" on the iconic sketch show.
John Wynn
Come on, SNL, it's time to bring some Asian love into the mix. And not to exploit the tired "Asian stereotypes" we've all heard before (small penis, bad drivers, big glasses, good at math, etc.), either. With his web series Labor Days, Wynn proves he has a more sophisticated -- and just as hilarious -- approach to racial humor. And humor of all other sorts, for that matter.
Marc Hochman
Hochman is the producer of the popular radio sports talk show The Dan LeBatard Show on 790 the Ticket, and many would argue he's the main driving force behind the unique comedic brilliance of the show. Of course, that argument led Hoch to believe that he was funny enough to attempt stand-up comedy as The Sports Comic, a character who, while being purposefully miserable, was still, well, miserable. Thankfully, being unfunny never quite stopped SNL from hiring cast members before, and we're sure that Hochman could bring something to the cast. Particularly, someone to impersonate leprechauns and mythological Irish characters.
Erik Myers
SNL loves it's high energy little white guys, and Erik Myers fits that role perfectly. Named Florida's Funniest Comedian in 2011, Erik is a high energy comic in the vein of Jim Breuer. Myers already does pretty decent impressions of Golem and Beavis as Cornholio; all he needs is to transform into a mutant Alligator talk show host and he's in.
Dominic Perenzin of Have-Nots Comedy contributed to this post.
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