Last night, on Episode 3 of Bad Girls Club Miami, the ladies get a serious dose of testosterone. Miss Erica and Danielle bring home some dudes. They're pretty grimy, but every girl needs some love, ya know?
Erica looks about 45 and her new lover Jeff looks about 17. Having guys in the house brings out Lea's view on marriage: You can't be with one man for the rest of your life. She knows this because she's in love with two different men. One's married and the other is devoted solely to her. Anyway, the new beaus bring H Boogie with them, AKA the wing-man. We're not sure who he is or what he is doing there, but what a name, right?
On our third stroll down Bad Girls Club lane, the ladies head out to get tattoos. Space cadet Danielle gets a song from the musical Rent inked on her thigh. Yes, an entire song. Was it the hard life of a NY artist or the AIDS epidemic she wanted to commemorate? Lets us not judge, so we shall proceed.
Stripper Brandi starts crying before the tattoo even starts. This type
of boo-hooing hasn't been seen at funeral parlors or hospitals in years.
Come on now, Brandi, men stomp on your morals every day when they stuff their
dollars bills in your G-string. You can't take a little ink in your
skin? MAN UP!
Our favorite part of the tattoo experience had to be Kristen getting a
tattoo of the Bad Girl heart and then realizing what she had done might
upset her "very catholic" mother. Yeah, Kristen, that'll upset her - not
your constant drinking and love of panty-flashing.
The real gem of this episode is when Kristen's mom does actually get
super upset about her tattoo. In her mind, because of this tattoo,
she'll no longer be able to achieve her dreams of becoming Miss USA. Um,
have you spoken to your daughter recently, mother dearest? Miss USA has to have
an IQ of at least 35 (were guesstimating), not to mention the rule about
never being a whore on a reality show. Sorry mama, your girl is shit out
of luck.
The ladies head out to Fat Tuesdays for a night out on the town with the
new boys that are currently penetrating Erica and Danielle. Catya
immediately starts hating on Erica's lover Jeff because he wouldn't
cover their $32 tab. I mean, we have to give her some credit. If you
want to get laid, men of Miami, it's really pretty simple: Buy the lady a
drink or 10.
Then Catya dishes out some great advice, "If you don't have $32, you
have to ride out." Pure poetry, girl. You're like a modern-day Dear
Abby! Not only did Jeff come home after not paying the tab, but he
later called Catya crazy. Seeing how this is the Bad Girls Club, this
remark got him spit in his face. I know, shocker. Even though Danielle
is an idiot, she stays out of the drama and goes immediately
upstairs and gets laid. Good for you, girl!
Last week, we had general concern for the mannequins inside the house
(we're not sure there are even any left after that beat down).
But now were actually worried about the ladies. No, not because of the
STDs they'll probably get, but from the constant glass being thrown on
the floor. The glass plates and cups really started flying when Kristen
lost her shit and started chucking shit at Danielle's empty head.
It was honestly insane. I mean, even Brandi was shocked, and she shakes
her naked ass for a living. The Bad Girls Club security (this exists?)
even had to come out and restrain Kristen as if she were trying to
escape from Shutter Island. Hey Oxygen, get some fucking plastic-ware already. The ceramic shit is a workplace hazard.
The final scene
shows Kristen carted off in a van, Morgan-style. Will she stay or will
she go? Perhaps she's headed to the Miss USA pageant? Damn, looks like we'll have to wait until next week to find out.
