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Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 4/24
Charged with:Possession of cannabis with intent to distribute
Anybody else feel like the beard is the real (alleged) criminal mastermind and the poor man is just a pawn in its nefarious schemes?
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Arrested: 4/23
Charged with: Disorderly intoxication
We chose this guy because we thought he was a priest…
Arrested: 3/25
Charged with: Strongarm robbery, battery
and this guy because we thought he was a karate instructor. Sorry, we may have thrown back a few when we picked these photos last night.
Arrested: 4/22
Charged with: Robbery, home invasion with a firearm, disorderly intoxication
Innocent until proven guilty but goodness– if this guy smashed into my house drunk with a gun I’d give him Grandma’s jewels and the account information for Little Timmy’s trust fund. Even his booger looks like it could kick my ass.
Arrested: 4/21
Charged with: Prostitution
Officers, great job on cleaning the streets and all, but do you have to freakin’ tag her with your name like she’s Ted Williams’ fish?
Arrested: 4/24
Charged with: Disorderly intoxication
You know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words? Well, this picture is an entire heartrending novel, but it’s written in French, or some other romantic language I can’t understand. Whose eyes are she looking into so deeply and with obvious love? Did Henry James write this mugshot? Why is she wearing a SARs mask?
Arrested: 4/19
Charged with: Aggravated battery, aggravated assault
Wait– the lady with Macaulay Culkin’s hair got in? How drunk was I?
Arrested: 4/21
Charged with: Aggravated battery with a deadly weapon
Is nobody concerned with the increasing frequency of blowed-up dudes appearing in mugshots?
Arrested: 4/25
Charged with: Misuse of 911
Okay, well at least somebody’s as worked up as I am.
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