Humor

WTF Florida Friday: Meth-Heads With Toilets, Stabber Babysitters, and Taco Bell Butts

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Babysitter Stabs Dad for Not Having Sex With Her

Shakieria Anquanette Shan Long wanted to have something penetrated and leaking, and she got her wish. Sorta.

Long, 22, apparently began feeling all sorts of sexual urges for Eugene Sylvester, a father whose children she babysits. The two were at a barbecue earlier this month in Fort Pierce when Long started screaming at Sylvester to have sex with her. The alleged DILF refused Long's indelicate advances.

Long then followed Sylvester into his bedroom and stabbed him with a knife. She emerged to tell another partygoer what she had done and that Sylvester was "leaking."

When police arrived, Sylvester explained he didn't want to have sex with Long because she had been drinking too much. His wounds required only a few stitches and he didn't want to press charges, but Long was arrested anyway.

Florida Man Gropes Taco Bell Worker Through Drive-in Window

Bradenton resident Philip Neri Guerrero was arrested Saturday after driving up to a Taco Bell window, getting out of his car, and then reaching through the window to grab a woman's rear end.

There are a lot of horrible jokes to be made about thinking outside the bun and tacos here, and we won't go there. Mostly we're just wondering why anyone would want to be near anyone else's ass inside a Taco Bell. That's pretty much the golden rule of Taco Bell: Stay at least three feet away from any ass.

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Kyle Munzenrieder