Would you ever insult your host after you've visited his home and eaten his food? Probably not. But every year, after Art Basel takes over the city and leaves its mess behind for us to clean up, we read these horribly asinine quotes slamming the city or the people "who don't belong" (AKA the locals).
If there was one piece that really seemed to encapsulate everything that's wrong with Art Basel, it was the Daily Beast's "Dispatches From Miami Art Basel."
You see, British art critic and socialite Anthony Haden-Guest couldn't make it to Miami this year, so he asked his friends to send him updates. He was worried that "pre-fair buzz had suggested that things were finally going into hyperdrive, that the branding events and celeb parties were going to euthanize -- or Kardashianize -- the art."
Not to worry, Haden-Guest, Miami has already been taken over by the Kardashians several times and lived to tell about it.
But we wonder if he knows he has horrible friends. Here are the most obnoxious updates from Basel.
London-based art dealer Kenny Schachter takes note of the "celebrity contingent." (But, please note, the "celebrity contingent" is exactly the kind of idiots who buy work that isn't museum-quality or even remotely good -- which is most of the art found at fairs. We're pretty sure they've made Schachter a really rich man.)
When you go through the aisles in Miami there's a palpable sense of wealth and people enjoying themselves. And it's become this kind of infotainment and it has attracted this whole celebrity contingent.
Meanwhile, artist and part-time Miami Beach resident Michele Oka Doner thinks Miami has finally stopped the savagery:
I find it more refined. That's a funny word to put to it, but the food is better, the service is better. Miami has learned how to behave at a world-class affair and still stay half-dressed. You know, without wearing a jacket.
Art and refinement go hand in hand, but Oka Doner seems to be giving the city of Miami Beach a backhanded compliment -- we've learned how to behave. As if our behavior is a bad trait that needs fixing -- not, say, education, poverty, transportation, or jobs. Oh wait, Oka Doner doesn't really care about any of those things because realistically they don't affect her. Silly us!
Manhattan dealer (of art, not drugs) Todd Merril is glad you didn't bother to show up:
I think it's less touristy. There are not so many people who don't belong here. I've found the level of the people coming by to be much more serious. And there's much less people. It's not as crowded as it has been in the past couple of years.
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SHOW ME HOW
But some people, such as artist Trey Speegle, just are not looking to be treated like they're from New Jersey while in Miami:
I was at the SoHo House for a dinner. And that was the first night after my party. Damien was there holding court for a good two hours. On the one side was Cindy Crawford. You don't get that everywhere. But there was a horrible scene outside on the steps. It was like tihe old club days. They were treating everybody like they were from New Jersey. The guy says you can't put your foot on these steps. Take it off! And don't even talk to me! And it's a private event you've been invited to.. It's not like you're gatecrashing or something. It's like the old adage. Life is high school with more money.
Ah, yes, life is like high school, and everyone coming to Art Basel certainly needs to grow up.