Jaded Hipster bibleVice
has no love for the Sunshine state. Blogger Sam McPheetersunleashed on our peninsula in a recent blog post
, casting the state as "a violent, dong-shaped netherworld of grifters, drug smugglers, gun runners, swamp nazis, hobo killers, killer hobos, elder abusers, kidnappers, skinhead tweakers, sex maniacs, escaped prisoners, grave robbers, and steakfuckers." Apparently Florida is just a little too rough around the edges for the Williamsburgh crowd.
McPheeters concludes, "That's bad news for us, but good news for all you Floridians: emigration is always an option. You have nowhere to go but up!"
That's the thing, though. Most of the horrible things that happened in Florida are perpetuated by people born and raised outside Florida. People who emigrated here. Every major jackass behind every one of those horrible bands: all from outside of Florida. Casey Anthony: a product of Ohio. Aileen Wournos popped out of the womb in Michigan. Our own state Supreme Court got it right in the 2000 election by ordering a recount until the US Supreme Court came along and reversed that decision.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!