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Three Reasons the Miami Heat Will Knock Out the Knicks Tonight

In Game Four between the Heat and the Knicks, LeBron and D-Wade seemed to decide their buddy 'Melo needed at least one win to save face in New York, so they downed some Quaaludes and let the Knicks have their way with them. How else to explain Wade missing seven of 11 free-throws? They are free, Dwyane.

With the loss, Heat haters around the country pitched a tent in their critical pants. And Knicks fans celebrated their first post-season win since Dutch settlers defeated Algonquian tribesmen for the inaugural title (trophy = Manhattan). But there is simply no chance that the Knicks are going to win the series. Why? It goes way beyond basketball, starting with Mike Woodson's facial hair.

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Michael E. Miller was a staff writer at Miami New Times for five years. His work for New Times won many national awards, including back-to-back-to-back Sigma Delta Chi medallions. He now covers local enterprise for the Washington Post.