Thieves Attempt to Steal 30 Pounds of Chicken Nuggets from Key West School

The theft of chicken nuggets should always be taken very seriously as those things are just ridiculously delicious, and depriving someone else of those precious fried meat bits is as an un-American petty crime as imaginable. Luckily, the devious criminal plan of two South Florida men, Sir Lawrence Scipio Dixon, 33, of Davie, and Carl Dudley Crabtree, 41 of Hollywood, was foiled as police in Key West caught the men attempting to jack 30 pounds of frozen nuggets from the freezer of Key West High School.

On May 8, at 7 a.m., police responded to a burglary in progress at Key West High. When they arrived Crabtree and Dixon were busy at work pilfering their way through the cafeteria. The duo had ransacked an office and had pried open the freezer door.

Police found the criminal's would-be-loot stacked on a table. According to Floriduh, the duo had planned to jack "several tools, a bag full of rolled coins and bills, and a red and white 1999 graduation tassel."

Of course, those are small fries compared to the main entrée of their attempted crime spree: the 30-pound bag of nuggets.

Police also found the booty of other robberies the pair had conducted in their car. The duo said they had planned to open a business, and needed the stolen goods to do such. Which is dumb, but can we get back to the nuggets?

We mean 30 pounds of chicken nuggets! How many individual nuggets do you think that even is? How many bottles of honey mustard or barbecue sauce would one need to fully dip all of those nuggets in? Are these 30 pound bags of compressed chicken meat available to regular consumers? How many weeks do you think, say, a 24-year-old blogger could live off of that bag alone? We are just wondering. Haha, not that we'd eat nothing but chicken nuggets for weeks on end (full disclosure: yes, we would totally eat nothing but chicken nuggets for weeks on end).

We are glad however that those nuggets were recovered and that the students of Key West High School were able to enjoy them.

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