The Miami Thong Lift: The Latest Craze in Plastic Surgery For Your Butt

This city has done so much to advance the idea of altered, unnatural human beauty that it was about time Miami was honored with a namesake plastic surgery operation. Enter "the Miami Thong Lift." Pioneered by local plastic surgeon Constantino Mendieta, the new procedure was presented at this years' British Aesthetic and Plastic surgeons conference in London. Designed to give a boost to your booty, its set to be the next big craze in plastic surgery.

The Miami Thong Lift is for those girls (or, uh, we suppose guys, too) who want that juicy JLo or Kim Kardashian panty meat on their backsides even if God only gave them two pancakes back there.

Mendieta, whose professional website is the very professional sounding ButtsByMendieta.com, takes fat from other parts of the patient's body and insets it into the derrière. The incision is made in the small area covered by a thong, hence the name.

Yes, that means Mendieta more or less cuts an opening along your crack and shoves your fat inside. Delightful. The Daily Mail puts it slightly more scientifically:

Mendieta uses grafts of fat liposuctioned from the thighs or stomach, purified and then painstakingly injected -- using a large needle -- into the layers of muscle of the buttocks, changing their shape from flat to super-curvy and high, like Beyonce's behind.

Skinny girls looking for a butt lift need not apply. Because the procedure uses the patients own fat, anyone rocking a low BMI will be refused the surgery until they pack on a few pounds. He warns that the aim is for a shapelier bottom, and not necessarily a drastically larger booty.

While the procedure may be preferably to previous methods of butt sculpting, there's the risk that some of the transplanted fat could die. Which is kind of gross. No one wants jeans full of dead fat.

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Kyle Munzenrieder