Columns

The Five Worst Primary Candidates: Our Haters Guide To Next Tuesday's Election

With Miami's primary elections rolling in on August 14, Banana Republican decided to do Dade a solid by tallying up the worst scalawags, scoundrels, and scumbags who weaseled onto the ballot. Rock the vote, long live democracy, and all that jazz.

But honestly, we'd rather you stay at home and watch Dr. Phil than vote for any of these folks:

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Francisco Alvarado was born in Nicaragua and grew up in Miami, giving him unique insight into the Magic City and all its dark corners. An investigative reporter with a knack for uncovering corruption, Alvarado made his bones as a staff writer at Miami New Times and remains in dogged pursuit of the next juicy story.