The Fashion Show: Tinsley Mortimer Makes Us Nervous Too

Being a blogger is a lot like being on a reality TV fashion competition show: some crazy man locks you in a small, depressing room for hours at a time and asks you to complete multiple, seemingly random tasks with ridiculously short deadlines and few resources and then the finished product is revealed to the world for all to see/mock. Sometimes the finished product comes off resembling nothing like the things you imagined on the dress form in your mind. Other times good ideas have to be pulled together using safety pins and a prayer.

Something like that happened last week when I wrote a recap of The Fashion Show that came off a bit too mean focusing on Miami Beach-based contestant Markus. We got word that he was personally angry with me, and his friends left several lovely comments for me. Sorry Markus, I guess our post came off worse than a pair of harem pants. (For the record though, I only currently own one thing from the Gap clearance rack). 

We were hoping in our heart of hearts that Markus would redeem himself this week. For a second it looked like it might happen. Sadly it didn't happen (more on that later), but The Fashion Show is starting to come into its own, and the designs this week were actually decent.

To kick of the challenge mystical creature known as Tinsley Mortimer from the far, off magical kingdom of "Manhattan Society" bounced on the screen and decreed that the designers must craft outfits for her to wear on all of her varied socialite misadventures. BUT! The designers could only spend a very un-socialite $40 on the fabrics, and must work on teams creating a cohesive collection. Oh Tinsley, you thrifty minx.

Markus and his team (Haven, Laura, Johhny and Reco), got a lot of air time this week, which in reality shows is either very, very good (you're going to win!) or very, very bad (you're going to lose). It turned out to be very, very bad.

Laura, who looks uncannily like Annie Clarke of St. Vincent, set out to make a sorta, maybe pretty dress with very, very ugly red tulle and mesh. Her team gathered around her and said, "No, Laura, Please do not use this very ugly red tulle, It is hurting everyone's eyes" but god damn it she was going to use the red tulle. The end result ...was well... it is never good to have the effect of flow-y, red substances coming out of the bottom of a lady's dress.

Meanwhile Markus worked on a classy, little ivory colored dress for Miss Mortimer. In its early muslin stage (Muslin: the favorite fabric of Barack Obama) it looked cute and more appropriate for Miss Mortimer than most of the other designs, but sadly it seemed Markus bit off a bit more than he could chew and couldn't quite get it all together. If this was Project Runway Tim Gunn would come in and say, "Make It Work," but sadly this is not Project Runway and no one says "Make It Work," so Markus did not make it work. It is all Tim Gunn's fault, clearly. Well, we also blame Tinsley Moritmer for making Markus so nervous with her fabulousness. It looks adorable in this picture. But as one of the judges pointed out, it had a strange diaper effect on the runway.

A third team member Johnny, the man who's personal style is a mixture of Yokozuna and The Klaxons, made this outift. The bottom half, err, bottom 90% of it is very, very pretty. The itty, bitty top is just vulgar. Seriously, it was a high class version of the dress Meredith wore on The Office a few weeks back, and we all know how that turned out.

Add to that the fact that he couldn't get it together, and had to piece the top together with *gasp* SAFETY PINS, which haven't belonged on a runway since 1970s Vivienne Westwood.

So these three got called out as the bottom. Markus will live to see another day (he pricks himself with a needle in the next episode 8). Johnny told the judges he wanted to go home, and Isaac Mizrahi almost did, but the producers probably realized that they have just found their Santino so he got to stay.

So, Annie Clark of St. Vincent was sent home to use all the red tulle she can afford.

By the way, Danielle, who was tormented last week by this strange little man who wears red jumpsuits known as Merlin, won with this jumpsuit combo. Mazel Tov. There were other decent dressed too. Merlin's looked like 60's stewardess barbie in a good way. Andrew did a passable Rouland Mouret knock off. Angel, Reco and Anna get points too. So there it is. Hopefully we did not piss anyone off too much this week.

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Kyle Munzenrieder

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