Yesterday afternoon, President Barack Obama led a rousing preacher-like rally in front of 9,200 supporters at the University of Miami BankUnited Center. Meanwhile, half-a-dozen Mitt Romney lovers on Ponce de Leon Boulevard held up signs screaming, "FIRE OBAMA."
Inside, we tried to crash a taping for The Daily Show and asked reporters about the whether they really work for the Illuminati. Click through for highlights of Obama's latest UM pep talk.
Security was tight going in, even for the exclusive club of White House press pool reporters. Cameras, purses, and equipment bags where thoroughly searched by a pair of undercover agents who looked like they were on their way to a model shoot for a Nordstorm ad with their designer slacks, polo shirts, belts, and sunglasses. Nothing says Secret Service like a Gucci belt and loafers.
Once inside, we quickly recognized Samantha Bee and Jessica Williams, correspondents for Comedy Central's The Daily Show, in the press section. But they weren't interested in giving us any feedback. "Sorry we can't talk," Bee said. "In fact, we have to stop talking to you guys right now." And the duo walked away.
But we continued to stalk them as cameras recorded Bee and Williams pretending to be "liberal media groupies." They pantomimed excitement like they were tweeners at a Justin Beiber concert and faux-fainted on folding plastic tables when Obama took the podium. Meanwhile, the real reporters passed the time checking their Facebook and Twitter feeds on their laptops until the Commander-In-Chief did his spiel.
As expected, Obama highlighted his accomplishments from his healthcare act to his strong military leadership. "Al-Qaida is on the run and Osama Bin Ladin is dead," he proclaimed to adoring cheers. "We repealed don't ask, don't tell." PREACH BROTHER PREACH.
A female volunteer in the press section hung on his every word like a enraptured congregation member. When Obama said, "We've come too far to turn back now," it's as if the Holy Ghost lifted her up high. She stomped her foot and bellowed: "That's right!"
Meanwhile, we tracked down WPLG 10 political reporter Michael Putney to ask a couple of important questions about the Illuminati. First we inquired if it is true that the alleged secret society of one percenters who control the global economy also control the media?
Putney: "Yes, it's true."
Banana Republican: "So you work for the Illuminati?"
Putney: "I aspire to."
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The veteran journo also squashed talk about a beef between him and Miami New Times columnist Luther Campbell, who recently called Putney one of the worst reporters in Miami. Putney said: "I love Uncle Luke!"