December 29, 2008 | 1:39pm
Sometimes I forget that technically Florida is a southern state, with Confederate heritage and all. It seems like the closer you get to the southern beaches the less and less red the necks are. This is probably because all of Hick-America would much rather spend their money on diamond-encrusted truck nutz and fancy rattle-snake cowboy boots than beachfront property and mingle with the yankee retirees and people who do not appreciate that English is the only language that should be spoken at all times, ever. Oh, and are too busy creaming their Wal-Mart-bought pants pants over the Confederate flag.
Seriously, the first time (of many!) I was physically intimidated for something I wrote was when I dashed off a column in my high school newspaper in support of the district's ban of the Star and Bars. Whatever, shouldn't we label all of the Confederate sympathizers who would much rather see America separated into two parts (one where Barack Obama is President, the other where he is a slave) as domestic terrorists and throw them in Guantanamo for 10 years with no questions asked? Hmmm?
This whole idea of secession is kind of inspiring though. Not that I think South Florida should leave the union, but how about just this stupid, stupid state? The North can have their rifles, and belt buckles, and Amendment 2s, and Charlie Crists, and we can have all of the non-Disney tourism.
Props to Jeb Bush, though, who took the confederate flag off the to top of the State Capitol which flared the anger of these people who take pride in keeping alive the most despicable part of America's past in the first place.