| Flotsam |

Surprise! You've Been Towed!

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Beware Miami, a beast most foul roams the streets of the design district, preying upon innocent victims. This past Friday I saw it with my own eyes.

As pair after pair of stiletto heels and crocodile print loafers clicked down the sidewalk toward the Moore Building (en-route to the Inside Out birthday bash), a pair of beady eyes followed. And while the who’s who of South Florida’s design world mingled over passed hors d’eouvres and free-flowing vodka in celebration of the magazine’s second year on the stands (a fun party, by the way), the BMWs, Jaguars, and Lexuses they left behind were carefully being watched.

As if publicly challenging Beach Towing for the title of most hideous company known to man, a business has sprung to life across the bridge with neither conscience nor soul, going one step further.

They laugh at you while they do it.


You went to a posh party.

We jacked your car when you were shoveling booze down your throat.

What, you want it back?

Sure, call us, we’ll tell you where it is.

Our name? Surprise Towing.

That’s right: Surprise, you owe us $200! --Joanne Green

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.