State Officials to Put Thousands of Piscine-Americans out of Work

Riptide used to be under the impression that in America, anyone could get a job and work his or her way to the top. And even when the pay was low, employment was noble because even the lowliest jobs kept the engine of America rolling, and the satisfaction of a good day's labor was reward enough. It certainly was reward enough for the brave Piscine-Americans (AKA fish) that went to work each day eating away the dead skin from people's feet.

Well, apparently your Florida state officials don't believe the American dream is for everyone. They've decided to outlaw thousands and thousands of cute little fishies from continuing their jobs as professional pedicurists, so says the Miami Herald!

Apparently, letting fish nibble on rich ladies' toes isn't sanitary! Who is going to nibble on rich ladies' toes now? The human poor? Oh great, I'm sure the Republicans who control Tallahassee would love that. A pack of down-and-out poor people nibbling at the feet of the well-manicured uber-rich is practically the GOP logo.

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Kyle Munzenrieder

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