Only four things come from those lips: nouns, verbs, 9/11s, and the sweetest sugar kisses.

Partisan Pucker Ups

Used to be lipstick was only discussed on Riptide in the Pretty in the City column, but because this is the most insane presidential race of all time ever, "lipstick" is now a bigger political buzz word than "tort reform" or "foreign aid" (actually, when was the last time any one talked about those at all? What do those things mean? Does it matter? McCain invented the BlackBerry!).

It is on pitbulls. It is on pigs. It is on friggin' Rudy Giuliani over there. So it is only natural for Miami-based Hot Pants Cosmetics to create the first partisan lip hues. According to The Albany Times-Union they'll relaunch two of their most popular shades as Palin Pink (formerly "baby shimmer pink". Coincidentally Palin's next child will be named Shimmer) and Obama Berry (formerly "mouthin' off", make of that what you will).

Why doesn't John McCain have a shade? Maverick Red? Walnuts' Brown? I Used To Be Sort Of For Roe v. Wade Before I Changed My Position On It To Shamelessly Appease Crazy Fundies Purple?

I'm sure all of those lip shticks would make for gloriously pretty mouths (the last would be particularly fetching on Rudy), but in the mean time you'll have to settle for the Obama and Palin varieties, which debut early next month at the 2008 American Association of Cosmetology Schools Annual Convention right here in Miami.

Kyle Munzenrieder

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