Jeff Ireland
When a fan berates you during a game, call him an asshole to his face instead of muttering the insult under your breath. Ginger McWonderpants, it's time to embrace your role as the Miami Dolphins' franchise villain. Oh, and draft a stud wide receiver in the first round already.
The City of Sweetwater
Stop sending out news releases every time a trendy crime wave blows into Miami-Dade. No one cares that you banned bath salts or arrested Manolo from Scarface. We shouldn't be surprised that a city founded by circus midgets is desperate for attention, but it's just sad.
Giancarlo Stanton
Drink heavily and consider a Prozac prescription. This year is gonna suck, buddy.
The Beacon Council
Start running criminal background checks on the individuals who own or operate companies that ask for tax breaks. It's the only way you can avoid embarrassing stories about how you helped a company owned by a convicted cocaine trafficker and alleged deadbeat win approval for $400,000 in government tax breaks, as Banah Sugar owner Alexander I. Perez did this past year.
