Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.
Charged with: Attempted murder of a police officer, possession of a firearm by a felon
As entertaining as it is to wonder why a man would ink a cherub throwing a football on himself, what strikes me is that, if you took away this guy's tattoos, he might actually be a handsome fellow. Of course, that's like saying if you took away the crushing poverty and repression, Cuba would be a fantastic place to live under the Castros.
Charged with: Petit theft
Quick, someone set up ironicprisontattoos.tumblr.com. This woman can be number one.
Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell, fleeing police, resisting arrest
Looks like the Miami-Dade pre-trial detention center's production of Annie just found it's lead!
Charged with: Possession of cocaine with intent to sell
The sad thing about this photo? This guy's only six-foot-four. Can the Miami police not afford stools or taller tripods, or is this simply a matter of running out of f*cks to give?
Charged with: Prowling, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest
Yeah, when you think "prowling," this is definitely the guy you want to imagine hanging outside your house. Remind me to pile all my furniture in front of my door before I go to sleep tonight.
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Charged with: Trespassing
This isn't a mugshot. This is the headshot outside a fourth-rate comedy club for the guy who comes on after the opener and won't stop telling "yo momma" jokes.
Charged with: Disorderly intoxication
Worst high-school yearbook photo ever? Worst high-school yearbook photo ever.
Charged with: Battery on a police officer
This man is a Hoarders marathon on a Saturday night come to life.