Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charges: Grand Theft Auto, Petit Theft, and Driving With a Suspended License
We were going to say this man is clearly way, way too old for anything going on here, but his arrest info say he's only 32. In which case he's just a little too old for anything going on here -- and should probably find a dermatologist. Damn.
Charges: Cocaine Possession and Drug Paraphernalia
The only reason this woman can get away with wearing such strong makeup is because she looks like the kind of chick who would beat your ass for making fun of it.
Charges: Possession of Heroin with Intent to Sell
Please note they specifically zoomed out on this guy to reveal this bitching T-shirt.
Charges: Attempted Murder, Armed Burglary, False Imprisonment, and Battery on Someone Older than 65
Pretty sure we've seen "For the Win" Neck Tattoo Guy on Mugshots Friday before. Pretty sure he's not winning anything.
Charges: Credit Card Fraud, Credit Card Forgery, Possession of Fraudulent ID, and Petit Theft
If you can't see it, this man has a very clever neck tattoo that's a play on the phrase "time is money." See, the portrait portion of a piece of American currency has been replaced by a clock. It's usually used by hardworking individuals who put in long hours to make honest money. This man was arrested for credit card fraud.
Charges: Possession of Drug Paraphernalia
Well, at least she'll be out in time to celebrate 4/20.
Charges: Battery on a Public Transit Employee, Disorderly Conduct, and Petit Theft
If you're gonna get that much done to your lips, you might as well work them in your mugshot.
Charges: Disorderly Intoxication and Trespassing
He's got a face that says "get off my lawn" but a rap sheet that says he didn't get off someone else's lawn.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Charges: Armed Robbery, Cocaine Possession, Carrying a Concealed Firearm, Using a Firearm While Committing a Felony, Cannabis Possession, Possession of a Firearm by a Felon, Resisting an Officer With Violence, Drug Paraphernalia, Introduction of Banned Substance to Jail... and Drinking in Public
"Well, boys, if any of these nine other charges don't stick, at least we'll be able to get him on drinking in public."