| Columns |

Mugshots Friday: The Ultimate Side Eye and a Reverse Mohawk

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 3/13
Charges: Breach of the peace and resisting arrest
"I keep telling you fellows, I seem to have traveled forth in time. I keep asking the locals for help, but they just take out these strange magical bricks and point them at me. It's been such a dreadful fright, and I can't even find my valet to powder my hair. I should say I look like some kind of vagrant. Wait? What is that? A 'camera' you say? What kind of witchcraft is that?"

Arrested: 3/13
Charges: Battery on a police officer and resisting arrest
Does this guy have lazy tattooed under his eye? He doesn't look lazy to us. We mean, he took the time to research fonts, checked out the references of his tattoo artists, and got himself to the parlor to have it done. Surely he could apply that sort of initiative to other parts of his life.

Arrested: 3/11
Charges: Battery
Urban Dictionary defines side eye as "A facial expression expressing one's criticism, disapproval, animosity, or scorn of varying levels of intensity towards another person. Defined by one person looking at the other out of the corner of their eye(s) with a scowl, as their head is turned in a different direction." Urban Dictionary should have just posted this picture.

Arrested: 2/10
Charges: Public drinking
In case you were wondering, yes, there is someone out there with a reverse Mohawk.

Arrested: 3/13
Charges: Retail theft
He swears he was just browsing.

Arrested: 3/12
Charges: Cocaine possession
We know you all make jokes about how you "have literally no more fucks to give," but, no, sorry, we're not buying it. This is the face of a man who literally does not give a fuck. Unless you look like this guy, you probably do have a few extra fucks lying around somewhere.

Arrested: 3/12
You ever sometimes wonder how criminals get nicknamed "Babyface"?

Arrested: 3/11
Charges: Loitering or prowling
Wait, what happens when he ends up on his own "naughty" list?

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.