Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charges: Breach of the peace and resisting arrest
"I keep telling you fellows, I seem to have traveled forth in time. I keep asking the locals for help, but they just take out these strange magical bricks and point them at me. It's been such a dreadful fright, and I can't even find my valet to powder my hair. I should say I look like some kind of vagrant. Wait? What is that? A 'camera' you say? What kind of witchcraft is that?"
Charges: Battery on a police officer and resisting arrest
Does this guy have lazy tattooed under his eye? He doesn't look lazy to us. We mean, he took the time to research fonts, checked out the references of his tattoo artists, and got himself to the parlor to have it done. Surely he could apply that sort of initiative to other parts of his life.
Urban Dictionary defines side eye as "A facial expression expressing one's criticism, disapproval, animosity, or scorn of varying levels of intensity towards another person. Defined by one person looking at the other out of the corner of their eye(s) with a scowl, as their head is turned in a different direction." Urban Dictionary should have just posted this picture.
Charges: Public drinking
In case you were wondering, yes, there is someone out there with a reverse Mohawk.
Charges: Retail theft
He swears he was just browsing.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Charges: Cocaine possession
We know you all make jokes about how you "have literally no more fucks to give," but, no, sorry, we're not buying it. This is the face of a man who literally does not give a fuck. Unless you look like this guy, you probably do have a few extra fucks lying around somewhere.
You ever sometimes wonder how criminals get nicknamed "Babyface"?
Charges: Loitering or prowling
Wait, what happens when he ends up on his own "naughty" list?