Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. Broward County's version is here.
Charged with: Unlawful harvest of sea oats/grapes
What? The man has a neck shaped like a tree trunk and covered in tattoos and his crime is harvesting sea oats? Is this some sort of cosmic joke?
Arrested: 2/23
Charged with: Possession of cannabis, resisting an officer without violence
This is exactly why marijuana needs to be legalized. Look at this chick. She has an adorable My Little Pony face. Is this really who we want to criminalize and throw into jail with the scary sea-oats goon?
Arrested: 2/29
Charged with: Habitual driving with license suspended
Not especially original, but classic. Give this guy a lifetime achievement award or something.
Arrested: 2/27
Charged with: Panhandling in the business district
Jesus, look at that hair. He may be begging for change now, but he's only 25. In ten years, this is the guy that's gonna be bringing you the weather. That's News Channel 7 Doppler-caliber hair.
Arrested: 2/28
Charged with: Aggravated battery
Are we sure Jimi Morrison died in that bathtub?
Arrested: 2/24
Charged with: cocaine possession, possession of paraphernalia with intent to use
It's hard to identify what's so funny about this mugshot. Is is the tanktop, the strange shape of the head, the sideways glance, the Fresh Prince's Uncle beard, or some ephemeral combination of it all? Either way, there was never any doubt that the guy would make the cut. He's a rock star.
Arrested: 2/27
Charged with: Grand theft third degree
We wish this lady would start a snap war with us. We'd tell her she looks like Big Boi in drag. That's one part that sucks about adulthood: not enough snap wars.
Arrested: 2/28
Charged with: Grand theft third degree
"Oh, well so sorry to disturb you, sir. Indubitably." Dude looks like he just came from a funeral in the '90s. See? Another good one for a snap war.
Arrested: 2/25
Charged with: Aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, carrying a concealed weapon, aggravated battery of a pregnant victim
Speaking of My Little Pony, can you imagine how confusing and disorienting it would be to be (allegedly) attacked by this lady? With half her head flashing at you like a fucking pulsating care bear stomach? What was the deadly weapon, a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper?
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