Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.
Charged with: Aggravated assault
Sure, he might have only four rings instead of five, but it's nice to see a local getting so excited about the Olympics.
Charged with: Burglary of an unoccupied structure
The police would have you believe this man is a common thief, but with that hat, we like to think he was on an urban safari, hunting the most dangerous game: man. Oh, and copper pipes.
Charged with: Retail theft
Quick, guess just how many fucks this woman gives. Did you come up with zero? Congratulations! You win her undying apathy.
Charged with: Petit theft, marijuana possession
Yeah, we can't believe the guy with the bloodshot eyes and dreadlocks got busted for pot, either.
Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance
Tattoo of area code 646? New York City, represent! It's nice this dude has pride for the borough of Manhattan, but why not get a bigger tattoo? If you love your city, don't be afraid to show it. Let the whole world know just how you much you care about Times Square and Harlem and those food carts that smell like burning salt.
Charged with: Burglary, theft of an emergency vehicle
You know, the next time Miami-Dade County is facing a budget shortage, they should consider creating a reality show to raise money. Miami's Next Top Neck Tattoo, they could call it, and it could be casted entirely from soon-to-be felons. This guy probably has a heartwarming and inspiring story behind his tattoo, about family and love and perseverance. Then again, he did try to steal an ambulance.
Charged with: Petit theft
Props to anyone who tries to bring back the high-top fade. Police are still on the lookout for this man's alleged accomplices, Kid 'n Play.
Charged with: Battery, domestic violence by strangulation, false imprisonment
"PUNY MORTAL, YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU IMPRISONED THE GOD OF THUNDER AND SON OF ODIN. IS THIS A JAPE BY THE TRICKSTER LOKI? RETURN MJOLNIR TO ME AT ONCE SO I MAY VANQUISH MY FOES."
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SHOW ME HOW
Charged with: Assault
"Wait, Bane does WHAT to Batman?"