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| Columns |

Mugshots Friday: The Lost Tenenbaum and Madam Ginger

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Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 5/11

Charged with: False imprisonment, battery, resisting officer without violence to his person

Is Wes Anderson shooting a movie in Miami or something?

Arrested: 5/9

Charged with: Possession of cannabis, solicit another to commit prostitution

Ooh, the rare accused ladypimp. Her nickname better be Madam Ginger.

Arrested: 5/11

Charged with: Burglary of an unoccupied conveyance, criminal mischief, grand theft third degree

Staying with the color theme, this may be the worst burglary outfit ever. You can see it from space.

Arrested: 5/16

Charged with: Possession of cannabis

The worst part about the Heat folding themselves up into a briefcase to be thrown around an arena in Indiana is that they're being utterly destroyed by guys named Hibbert and Granger. The Pacers team is 8 totally unrecognizable dudes scoring exactly 14 points each. It's like playing a basketball video game that doesn't have an NBA license.

Arrested: 5/10

Charged with: Grand theft third degree, probation violation

Speaking of region-specific clothing, how good does a 305 t-shirt look in a mugshot?

Arrested: 5/15

Charged with: Resisting officer without violence to his person, disorderly conduct

Oh green hair lady, how disappointed you would be if you could see how I spend my Saturday nights. While you're probably probably inventing something called anti-dancing amid fog machines and strobe lights, I'm deciding whether to eat my sixth Verona cookie while watching a show about antiques appraisal.

Arrested: 5/12

Charged with: Possession of cocaine

He pierced his cheek star tattoo. That's called doubling down on pain.

Arrested: 5/10

Charged with: Strongarm battery

I'm not sure why I'm always so amused by the one-arm-ripped-off mugshot tanktop phenomenon. Maybe it's because it makes an otherwise badass-looking dude look like he's dressed like the lady from The Fifth Element.

Arrested: 5/17

Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance, possession of marijuana

If you don't have a sweet jazz vinyl collection, then I give up on judging people by their appearance.

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