The sudden realization hits most of us at least once in our life: Dude, my hair is getting out of control. Arrested: 7/9
Charged with: Disorderly conduct, criminal mischief, first-degree arson, escape attempt
You have a scary-ass list of criminal charges and you're covered in creepy lacerations. Don't make that innocent little face like you're suddenly the Coppertone Girl.
Charged with: Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon
What the fuck is going on with rappers these days? If they're not peddling some bootleg cognac produced at a French farm they personally toured, they're capping their teeth, shaving their widow's peak, and having the real first name "British." British?! We would kill for a good ol' Ol' Dirty Bastard mugshot right about now. Arrested: 7/11
Charged with: Aggravated battery of a pregnant victim
Well, aren't you a terrible person with your pointy, square-ass chin. Arrested: 7/10
Charged with: Criminal mischief, aggressive panhandling
We'd like to spend an afternoon or two sipping whiskey with this guy under a big, shady mango tree. Sometimes people would pull up with car trouble and he'd instantly identify the problem just by listening to the engine. We'd do work for $5 that your average mechanic would charge a hundred for because we're just buying one more bottle either way. Always one more. Guaranteed, his name is something awesome, like Zaccheus Skinner. Arrested: 7/9
Charged with: Cocaine possession
Just kidding -- Zaccheus would never want to hang out with us. He would hang out with this dude, though, but they'd never talk. Arrested: 7/10
Charged with: Issuing a worthless check, no valid driver's license
Sorry, ma'am, didn't know you were changing in here. We're just going to turn the page.
Warning: Everybody below has just watched The Tree of Life.
Charged with: Battery Arrested: 7/9
Charged with: Battery Arrested: 7/8
Charged with: Intent to distribute cannabis, use/display of a firearm while committing a felony Arrested: 7/8
Charged with: Trespassing, disorderly intoxication Arrested: 7/10
Charged with: Petty retail theft