Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charges: Cannabis Possession
"Hey, is this the '90s? I believe you called earlier about wanting to get your style back. Well, listen, we might be able to work out a deal if you come bail me out."
Charges: Armed Burglary, Aggravated Assault With a Deadly Weapon, and Criminal Mischief
Aww, poor baby. An armed crime spree can really tucker the little ones out. Look at him sleeping like a baby in his mugshot. So adorable.
Charges: Petit Theft
Mr. Bitch isn't going to be pleased with this.
There's a lot going on here, so let's just stick to the hat tan. So, um, what's the deal? Does this person only go outside with a hat on? We said we were going to stick to one thing, and we did. Way to go, us.
Charges: Cannabis Possession With Intent to Sell
Generally, a hat is a better than braids at hiding baldness.
Charges: Petit Theft, Grand Theft Third Degree
"Oh, no, you better don't."
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.