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| Columns |

Mugshots Friday: "I Pray for You P*ssies"

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Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 2/28

Charges: Cannabis Possession

Excuse me, sir, what does your neck tattoo say? Can we take a closer look?

"I pray for you pussies?" Is that the top line? OK, the bottom, we can clearly make out only "ass spirits" at the bottom. Does it say "your hating ass spirits?" Are we correct is saying you have a highly visible tattoo on your neck that says, "I pray for you pussies 'n your hating ass spirits?" OK. That's great. It's good to know you are a man of God.

Arrested: 3/06

Charges: Battery on a Police Officer and Disorderly Conduct

You could always get your neck-tattoo inspiration from the Lisa Frank music class folder collection.

Arrested: 3/04

Charges: Aggravated Assault

Is this a "Sarcasm is just another free service I offer" shirt? You know you can make a career of selling sarcasm nowadays, don't you? It's pretty much what we do for a living.

Arrested: 3/03

Charges: Grand Theft

You'll note that the italicized intro to this series says we sometimes direct adulation "at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will." This now includes adulation for perps whose style game is just so on point.

Arrested: 3/06

Charges: Petit Theft

Selena Gomez hasn't been dealing too well with the Justin Bieber breakup.

Arrested: 3/03

Charges: Cocaine Possession

She's saving up to get the complete tattoo set.

Arrested: 3/05

Charges: Petit Theft

This guy was just in Mugshots Friday last month, and our desire to take him to a damn barbershop is starting to get overwhelming. It is haunting us. Yet he still has time to keep those eyebrow notches fresh. He could at least petit-theft himself a comb. Or maybe that's what he keeps getting caught stealing all the time.

Arrested: 3/05

Charges: None found

"And then they snapped my picture, and I told them that skinny white gymnast bitch does not have a trademark on being unimpressed, because I'm pretty sure no one has ever been as unimpressed as I am with your booking room right now."

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