Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 4/20
Charges: Shooting or Throwing a Deadly Missile, Criminal Mischief and Cannabis Possession.
This is the kind of guy you'd expect to be in a hipster band called The Deadly Missiles instead of throwing them. The hell was he even doing here last weekend? We know Coachella has gone a bit mainstream, but wasn't there a three-part lecture series deconstructing the meaning of Animal Collective lyrics somewhere in Brooklyn?
Arrested: 4/19
Charges: Aggravated Assault
Oh, so that's what Santa does during the rest of the year.
Arrested: 4/19
Charges: Aggravated Battery
Yes, that's a Hello Kitty tattoo on his neck. Wonder what he thinks of that new Avril Lavigne song.
Arrested: 4/18
Charges: Battery and Resisting an Officer
Well, see, here we are always under the impression that Hell was a cold place, but thanks to this man's informative tattoo we've since learned that Hell is generally believed to be a rather hot place. You learn something new every day.
Arrested: 4/24
Charges: Petit Theft
Bro, you're in here for petit theft. No need to mean mug like that. Tough guy expressions are reserved for grand theft charges and above.
Arrested: 4/23
Charges: Defrauding an Innkeeper
But the real crime here is wearing a Bulls jersey in Miami in the middle of the playoffs. Yes, we can tell just from the shoulders, if not the look on his face.
Arrested: 4/17
Charges: Battery
If this isn't exactly how you'd imagine a 60-year-old woman who would still try to beat your ass dresses like then I'm not sure what would be.
Arrested: 4/21
Charges: Aggravated Battery
Something tells us this might have been the best shot they were able to get and then gave up.
Arrested: 4/23
Charges: Stolen Tax Revenue
Well, we did hear they gave Ronald McDonald a makeover this week.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.