Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charged with: Criminal mischief, resisting officer without violence, disorderly intoxication, breach of the peace
Clearly, this is the lost third member of LMFAO.
Charged with: Battery
This guy's "baseball face" makes me want it to be April already. I want to watch games on TV with this guy and tell him that Roy Halladay is our generation's Sandy Koufax, and then he hits me on the head with his cane.
Charged with: Cocaine possession with intent to deliver
We're gonna guess he was listening to Kraftwerk before he lost his Discman, and that his nickname's Lazer.
Charged with: Cocaine trafficking, use or display of a firearm while committing a felony, carrying a conceal firearm, child neglect
Whoa, that is a supremely bad-ass list of charges but she looks like the annoying lady at PTA meetings. We just bought the film options to this lady's life (in our head, which is where we buy and sell all of our film options).
Charged with: Strongarm robbery
Anybody else really creeped out?
Charged with: Petty theft, strongarmed robbery, battery on a law enforcement official, resisting arrest
Every trio of lady bad-asses needs an enforcer.
Charged with: Loitering or prowling, grand theft third degree
Sorry, we already filled our lady bad-ass trio on the previous page. Be cool, Prowler, be cool. And put that switchblade back in your pocket.
Charged with: Felony tampering with a witness or victim, aggravated assault, false imprisonment, battery
Something about this lady's unprecedented hairdo gives us the shivers even worse than the teeth of the grinning biter on the last page. We keep feeling a hair tentacle taking hold of our shoulder.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Charged with: Cocaine possession
Sling Blade and Forrest Gump sort of ruined the top button. This fellow could be perfectly intelligent, but I want to take him under my wing, buy him some french fried taters and hear his go on about Lieutenant Dan.