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| Columns |

Mugshots Friday: Daddy's Girl

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Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 5/22

Charged with: Cocaine possession, possession of drug paraphernalia

Sir, you're wearing a choker and a sweater basketball jersey. No mean-mugging.

Arrested: 5/22

Charged with: Child abuse (no great bodily harm), battery

Somewhere, a daddy is crying.

Arrested: 5/21

Charged with Battery

You know those ads where Domino's admits it used to suck, but now its employees are studying mistake-pizza photos from customers and taking suggestions and making artisan pizzas that are so perfect you can't change the toppings, and bringing customers out to tomato farms blindfolded (which has a serial killer vibe to it when you say it like that)? Well, this is who works at Domino's. An accused batterer with a big neck who hates you. Send him a photo of your fucked up pizza and he will hunt you down and force you to eat it until you explode, Seven-style.

Arrested: 5/20

Charged with: Disorderly conduct, breach of the peace

Something tells me Adrian has one of those three-knuckle rings for punching people's heads.

Arrested: 5/20

Charged with: Criminal mischief (damage over $200, under $1,000)

The Miami-Dade booking photographers are usually pretty Annie Leibovitz-ian with their photo composition skills. But they let us down today. If this lady's shirt says something lewd and the photographer had caught it, all of us could have retired on the Internet's gratitude.

Arrested: 5/17

Charged with: Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, aggravated battery

This again? Man, Coolio's not even a Hollywood Square anymore. And even Coolio can't do the Coolio hairstyle because, according to baldcelebrity.com, he's gone bald.

Arrested: 5/19

Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance

This lady's got a nice, personable face even with the pierced... jaw? We predict that in five years she will have cleaned up and gotten a lucrative job marketing health bars.

Arrested: 5/19

Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance

But we're a little concerned for this guy. We think he may soon cross into cover-the-entire-face-with-tattoos territory.

Arrested: 5/22

Charged with: Child abuse (no great bodily harm), aggravated assault with a firearm, battery

Not that there's anything wrong with that! You can totally be a productive member of society with random numbers tattooed all over your face.

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