Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the previous week. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that series.

Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Arrested: 2/11

Charged with: Armed robbery

Well, this guy's just given up on ever losing weight.

Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Arrested: 2/10

Charge: Marijuana possession

One one hand, he's terrifying and unemployable and can never hug his nephew without the little kid running away screaming. On the other hand, he's totally post-racial.

Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Arrested: 2/12

Charged with: Retail theft

We know there's a lot going on here, but what we're wondering is: Is that a fake Cindy Crawford mole?

Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Arrested: 02/13

Charged with: Stalking, aggravated battery

This lady came from the future to stalk her man. George Clinton once made a song about it.

Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Arrested: 2/8

Charged with: Grand theft, burglary, criminal mischief

Toss out all the charges but the last. That is the most mischievous face we've ever seen.

Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Arrested: 2/15

Charged with: Possession of cannabis with intent to sell

Something about this guy's Mandela-esque face is mesmerizing. And those hypnotic eyes seem to say: Hey, I may be down on my luck now, but I'm capable of gre-- You know what? It's probably just the sweater.

Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Arrested: 2/12

Charged with: Strongarmed robbery, grand theft auto

Wow. So we strained to see what he has tattooed above his eyebrows to complement "The Mind of" on his forehead-- you can click to enlarge-- and this 20-year-old kid has something you might find in a 19th-century racist phrenology textbook tattooed on his fucking face. That's just disturbing.

Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Arrested: 2/4

Charged with: Habitually driving with a suspended license

We're never going to have kids because we're afraid we might have a daughter and she might date this guy.

Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Arrested: 2/8

Charged with: Domestic violence, battery

We feel kind of bad posting this because we don't know if it's just a weird photo or-- Ahhhh!!!

Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

Arrested: 2/14

Charged with: Cocaine possession

There it is: The ultimate fuck-you-copper-I've-been-here-before mugshot face.

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