Mugshots Friday: Big Ami$h, A Forehead Equation, and Our Friend Tom

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 6/24

Charged with: Burglary, possession of burglary tools

Block the right side of this dude's head with your hand and he's Fernando, quietly competent van driver, mildly hungry for a sandwich. Block the left side and BOOM he's an unidentified ballroom-dancing assassin wanted for massacring twelve people with his braid.

Arrested: 6/23

Charged with: Possession of cannabis

This guy...

Arrested: 6/23

Charged with: Retail theft, attempt to remove an anti-shoplifting device

... and this guy look like they'd make some sort of bad-ass odd couple. Lawrence aka DeadlyW0rm hacks mainframes, and Big Ami$h busts heads.

Arrested: 6/25

Habitually driving with a suspended license, obstruction by disguised person (?)

Arrest me? As if!

Arrested: 6/24

Charged with: Possession of a stolen or fictitious license

If you ever wondered what Eminem would look like if Dr. Dre had never heard that demo tape.

Arrested: 6/27

Charged with: petty theft

You don't want to know how much of an afternoon was spent squinting at this guy's forehead. We even used that little Microsoft magnifier. What we know is there's an equation there: Something over 24/7 = Wealth. Since we are in dire need of wealth and get some of our best advice off of guys' foreheads, think you could help us decipher this one?

Arrested: 6/26

Charged with: Aggravated battery of a pregnant woman, violation of probation for domestic violence, possession of marijuana with the intent to distribute

We only reveal first names when necessary. It's necessary to point out that this fellow's name is Rico, and this is exactly why we've been telling people for decades that it's dangerous to name your sons Rico.

Arrested: 6/24

Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance (oxycodone), tampering with evidence

Why yes, Tom, I do want to smoke a bowl and watch Blue Planet with you while drinking home-brewed iced tea and eating oatmeal cookies, thank you for asking!

Arrested: 6/22

Charged with: Aggravated battery on a person 65 years or older

This photo is only disturbing if you don't imagine that she's belting out Spanish folk songs. Ay ay ay canta y no llores... See? All better.

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