Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For more mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.
Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance
Arrested after midnight on July 4th, of course. By law, this guy automatically becomes president now. Update: Our next commander-in-chief was busted allegedly selling Xanax at Club LIV. More info here.
Charged with: Possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, possession of cocaine
I never thought about what happens to the spirits of you pussies when you die. I guess it does make sense that those spirits would continue to haunt the world with your hatin ass ways.
Charged with: Forging checks, grand theft third degree
If we looked as cool as this guy, we would probably get a big chain with the initials "BB" for Badass Beardo, which is exactly why we don't look as cool as this guy.
Charged with: Aggressive panhandling
Funny story about this guy: He also has "Back" tattooed across his lower back. Props to my colleague Frank for taking a photo of this guy passed out on the Metromover about a year ago and posting it to his Facebook page. Journalism never sleeps.
Charged with: Armed robbery, attempted murder
I know his head just got hurt and his tanktop strap broke, but this guy's got some unintentional haute couture going on. Could totally see this on a runway in Milan.
Charged with: Disorderly intoxication, resisting officer without violence to his person
There's a rule in jail: Don't fuck with the man with the chunky forehead wound. This guy and American Flag Face were most likely running the cigarette trade within minutes of being locked up.
Charged with: Grand theft auto
This guy got arrested, so it obviously didn't work out for him, but he's on to something. If you wear an orange construction vest, you can literally do anything illegal and people will assume you're doing some officially-sanctioned job. You can be busting into an Oldsmobile Cutlass with a crowbar and drivers passing by will slow down because they think it's a construction site.
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SHOW ME HOW
Charged with: Petty theft with more than two previous convictions
Normally I would make up a bunch of hopefully funny things that this guy's tattoo says, but I'm kind of phoning it in right now because of American Flag Face and "Holla Back" dude. When you got Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen on your team, do you really care about the white guy playing center?