4

Mugshots Friday: A Ladypimp, Her Sidekick, and a Goon

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 4/7

Charged with: Cocaine possession

This guy looks like claymation. Where's his little dog who can build a rocket ship?

Arrested: 4/2

Charged with: Battery on a person over 65

This is what ladypimps look like. Let her by you a drink and then you wake up in the back of a van with a lot of other dudes, being driven to some horrifying Nebraska roadhouse where you live the rest of your life as a drugged-up gigolo.

Arrested: 4/4

Charged with: Petty theft, cocaine possession

And here's the ladypimp's sidekick, Jackie Brown's Great Aunt.

Arrested: 4/4

Charged with: Cannabis possession (more than 20 grams)

Dude, don't panic, but I think there must be a very clean squirrel gingerly humping the back of your head.

Arrested: 4/7

Charged with: Trespassing after warning, possession of cannabis, possession of stolen or fictitious driver's license.

That's kind of a killer stare. How did the arresting officer not just burst into a million tiny pieces of light?

Arrested: 4/1

Charged with: Cocaine possession

You know Plies went to college, right? It just seems sort of unjust that there are dudes tattooing "Goon" on their faces and doing "real things" and going to prison and all, while the guy who invented the whole Goon thing is probably at home reading Faust in the bathtub while the residuals pile up.

Arrested: 4/2

Charged with: Cocaine possession, tampering with physical evidence

There should be a Scared Straight program for hair. Put this guy's haircut in a fiberglass display and take it around the country to warn other haircuts not to go down the wrong path.

Arrested: 4/1

Charged with: Burglary, criminal mischief, petty theft

If we posted the previous guy's photo, we have to include Gallagher here. They're like two puppies that must be adopted together.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send: