4
| Columns |

Mugshots Friday: A Hitler Moustache, Seriously Horrifying Face Tattoos, And Our Judgmental Mom

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the week previous. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 01/27

Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance.

They say you know you've made it when your look starts showing up in mug shots. Congratulations, Biebs!

Arrested: 01/28

Charged with: Possession of cannabis, drinking in public

Uh... you too, Hitz!

Arrested: 02/01

Charged with: Battery

We know you thought this was a classy operation. But it's still the internet, and if we see a hot chick we're contractually obliged to post her photos, along with the word "hottttttt". (Seven "t"'s is the industry standard.)

Arrested: 01/29

Charged: Carjacking, aggravated battery

Sometimes when we get really angry we say we hope you back in the next life as Pedro Jimenez. Now you know what we're talking about.

Arrested: 01/28

Charged with: Armed burglary, grand theft, possession of a weapon by a felon

Also, we don't usually play matchmaker, but if Pedro gets the boot, you got next dude. (P.S. The tattoo of our left says "Happy Times".)

Arrested: 01/30

Charged with: Strongarmed robbery

Maybe it's just the middle-aged dad in us, but we want to let our little daughter swing some plastic monkeys from those things.

Arrested: 02/01

Charged with: Child molestation

Hey, it's the dangers of the internet personified.

Arrested: 01/31

Charged with: Burglary

Mennonite basketball player... Black samurai Forrest Gump Fuck it, we're stumped.

Arrested: 01/30

Charged with: Aggravated Assault

Ma?! This is exactly what we're talking about: How come you're the one in the mug shot, but we're the ones who feel like we're being judged?


Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.