Columns

Mugshots Friday: A Cape, Blue Goop, and Hair, Hair, Everywhere

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the week previous. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that series.


Arrested: 2/18

Charged with: Murder in the second degree, theft from the elderly

WTF? Is that a cape?

Arrested: 2/25

Charged with: Concealed firearm, possession of marijuana with intent to distribute

Now that's how you do your fucking hair. To quote Sheen, the perfection of this guy's braids makes the Bone Thugs look like droopy-eyed armless children.



Arrested: 2/21

Charged with: Child abuse and neglect, reckless driving

And here's a bootleg, underfed version of the previous guy.



Arrested: 2/26

Charged with: Battery

If you're wondering what happened to his shirt, you're an out-of-towner. This has been the hot style on South Beach for years now.

Arrested: 2/22

Charged with: Battery, domestic violence

Why are we terrified that she's going to pummel us with her accessories?



Arrested: 2/22

Charged with: Battery

That is the most schizophrenic neck we've ever seen.



Arrested: 2/24

Charged with: Grand theft, possession of a concealed weapon by a violent career criminal

There's nothing particularly special about this guy. We just like seeing what dudes are doing with their faces these days.



Arrested: 02/26

Charged with: Witness tampering

We have no idea what in God's name happened here. He's got a borderline Prince Valiant haircut and his face is speckled with blue goop. How the hell are we supposed to write a caption for that?



Arrested: 2/27

Charged with: Disorderly intoxication, aggravated battery on a law enforcement official

She doesn't look violent. She looks like she's going to give us some warm oatmeal raisin cookies and tell us stories about what we were like as an infant.



Arrested: 3/2

Charged with: Carrying a concealed firearm, possession of marijuana with intent to distribute

Let's call this Hair Week. Hopefully next week will be Terrifying Nose Bridge Tattoo Week.

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Gus Garcia-Roberts