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Moon Over Miami

"You're tired!"

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Why the urge to label everything? Why can a vacation no longer be just a vacation? Things are just getting silly.

Case in point: the vacation-moon phenomenon.

First we had the basic honeymoon. Fine.

But then some Hallmark brown-noser came up with anniversarymoons (repeat honeymoons). The divorcemoon was an inevitable knockoff (I'm going on holiday and I'm so glad you're not coming). Then former lovers began celebrating separately, with fun, sun and anyone-but-the-ex vacations (the Thank God We Didn't Get Married-moon). Then the all-time low: the familymoon (a post-second-wedding trip taken by blended families).

And not to be outdone, Donald Trump is touting babymoons.

Guests at his Trump International Sonesta Beach Resort in Sunny Isles (not the one on Key Biscayne, which is closed) expecting the imminent arrival of a small screaming person can get away one last time. Sonesta is offering "a getaway package which brings pampering and quality couple time to parents-to-be."

Yummy. And just what kind of pampering will $500 a night buy? A Tiffany teething ring and a promise to indulge the 24-hour cravings of pregnant guests? A nanny IOU offering free babysitting services one year later?

No. A massage.

Polite young reservation agent: "But it's a perfect package for a pregnant woman."

Why?

"Pregnant people like massages. And they get a free breakfast. Pregnant people are always hungry, too." -Joanne Green

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.