Miami Hurricane Runs Front Page Story on Dangers of Four Loko

You can't accuse University of Miami student newspaper The Miami Hurricane of not knowing their audience well: college students looking to get drunk for cheap. Today's edition of the bi-weekly paper carries a front page story on the dangers of Four Loko. For those of you who don't know Four Loko might as well be called "Instadrunk in a can."

With a whopping 12 percent alchohol-by-volume rate, the cough syrup-tasting drink that combines booze with caffeine, taurine and other energy supplements, sells for under $3 for a 23.5 oz can. That much alcohol is about half that of an entire six pack of beer, and might cost you upwards of $30 in Miami's pricey bars.

Yet, Loko's caffeine content makes it even more intense. Ok, Four Loko is the reason I can't remember if I should be embarrassed by anything I did during this month's Crystal Castles concert. Four Loko is the reason someone drinking it made me get down on the ground to re-enact Florence and the Machine's VMA performance last weekend. Four Loko makes Sparks seem like Hi-C.

It apparently packs 660 calories per can, but might as well have 666, because it's basically the Devil.

"My friend drank two cans and I drank one and a half," one student tells The Hurricane. "That half was the difference between life and death."

Life and death! Do you hear that, folks? This shit is serious.

This devil's juice has been on sale in other parts of the country for years, but only became readily available in the Miami market in the past few months.

The Hurricane seems rightfully concerned that it's mix of a cheap price, sweet flavors, faddish status and outrageous alcohol wallop could spell disaster for college students, especially those of the under-aged and inexperienced variety.

In 2008, Miller Brewing Company was forced to take the caffeine content out of its popular Spark drink, the innovator of the energy drink-alcohol combo, because amidst protest from watchdog groups. Though Four Loko is a far more serious animal with larger can sizes and twice the alcohol-by-volume of a can of Sparks.

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Kyle Munzenrieder