In absolutely bone chilling news that will shake the greater Miami area to its very core: Our fair city has fallen from its perennial position as the number one city with the most attractive people on Travel + Leisure's annual "America's Favorite Cities List." God dammit people, what is going on here?
Maria, are your roots showing? Tony, what did I tell you about sit ups? That's right, when you have nothing else to do, you better be working on your abs. Tara, you need to go easy on the Botox. You're starting to look a little Nicole Kidman-y. Tito, you need to get an appointment with your back waxer, and Sarah, holy crap, is that a pimple?
This is serious people!
Yes, after coming in at the top spot of T+L's list of cities with the most attractive people for years now, Miami has fallen all the way down to four. Oh, you don't think that's serious? Let me tell you, the fourth most attractive is really just the third least ugly, OK.
In our place, somehow, is Savannah, Georgia. I don't think it's a coincidence that the only girls I know named Savannah are strippers.
Travel + Leisure's annual "America's Favorite Cities" list asks its readers to rank cities based on a number of different criteria. Apparently their readers think we've falling off a little in the looks department.
However, we did get voted as having the third most stylish people. We also had top ten finishes for "Wild Weekend" trips, as well as for "big name restaurants," "luxury stores," "stylish boutique hotels," "weather," and "people watching."
But we did come in at the bottom ten in a lot more categories. We apparently fail in every local food specialty and culture category. We could go on a rant about that, but, really, we're stunned by our failure in the sexy department. This is a local emergency. We need to, ahem, bring sexy back. So go out and work on your sexiness and we'll all meet back here in a year and hope for the best. Tony, why are you still standing there? I'm serious about those sit ups!
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.